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Can you forgive someone for cheating on you?

Not to mention the fact of how comfortable the "couple" is with communication...a revolving point in a relationship that most people skim over or completely disregard as, "Oh, they're just having a bad week."

Never overlook any change in communicational behavior.
A healthy relationship can withstand the best of spats.
 
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i would never ever ever ever forgive someone for cheating on me no matter what the circumstances are.
 
I have a story
(OMG STORY TIEM)

I know two girls and a guy.

Both girls are very good friends of mine (one possibly my girlfriend, soon) and wonderful people. Good looking, smart, nice, and fun to be around. The guy isn't particularly outgoing, nor overly self confident. At least not when I first met him.

He took one of the girls out. They dated for about three weeks. Something wasn't right, because then he took the other girl out, and I thought they might've broken up, but the first girl was happy with the relationship.

Then it fell apart. Girl number one found out about it.
Girl number two was told by one about it.
The guy became a complete a** overnight.

Since then I don't think I can say either fully forgave him. Girl number one was at least able to move on and talk face to face with him. Girl number two doesn't trust number one, or most boys. She doesn't like the situation and hasn't moved on nor forgiven him.

And for the curious, girl one is the one I'm soon to ask out.
Girl two is probably my best friend in a non love sense.

And he's moved on and has a stable relationship with a girl.
 
I do think there are some circumstances in which one can forgive and take back someone for cheating. These are pretty specific, though, I think. Unlike some people claim, cheating can sometimes be a result of something other than "having different goals," and the like. As human beings, we require partnership, friends, sexual experience, and a pretty routine set of activities. For someone in a relationship where, say, the spouse is gone every other month for a month, really strong feelings of loneliness can occur. I think if there's an open line of communication, things can work out even after cheating. Same thing happened with my mom and her girlfriend several years ago. So it's been like 3 years since they've been back together, it's been like 6 years total, minus their hiatus, and they have a very good relationship. It's also important to consider the person being cheated on. I probably couldn't deal with it on an emotional level as well as someone else could, so it'd probably be a no for me. Point is, though, when you have people who have been together for a long ass time, there is almost always a lot of love there. I think there are times when people with even the strongest of love can be turned to do things like cheat. Two weeks is one thing, but I think if you're, say, in the military for a few years, being open and just saying "do what you do that makes you happy and we'll start again when I'm back." If the relationship is worth staying in, they'll be back with you as soon as you can dedicate your time to them. Personally, I think it's kind of rude to just expect someone to wait for you, loveless, for a long time.

By the way, I'm back :D
 
OK some people are just plain stupid.

Take my colleague for example.

His common-law partner cheated on him with her ex, forgiver her and 9 months later there is a kid, he is like of course its mine not the ex boyfriends. Fast forward 2 years, she cheats again with the ex, he forgives her, loves her and their child, 8 months later out comes another child. of course it is his. He brings the two kids and pregnant GF to work a couple weeks ago, cute kids.

one tiny detail wrong.

he and his GF are blue eyed and dirty blond, kids are brown eyed and brown haired. Us working with him gently point out that two blue eyed people should not have brown eyed children, since we are a partly DNA lab he does quick DNA swap and runs the tests, no one really surprised except him that they not his kids. turn out that prego GF child #3 is also not his, can you guess who the daddy is?

The guy is ready to accept her " I am sorry and won't do it again" line YET again. come on dump her already and find someone who will have HIS kids.
The ex-boyfriend is not so ex it appears despite him being married with children to another woman.
If I hadnt held the evidence in my hands and before my eyes I would not have believed it.
Apparently this is a guy who not only forgives he also forgets despite being lied at least thrice.

And yes this is one of the people I had coffee with that served as the catalyst for this thread a year ago.
 
MicBook said:
I would forgive them but I would not date them anymore
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I agree. I would forgive the person, but I know I would not be able to continue dating or being with them. If someone cheated on me, it would mean that I wasn't good enough for them, or something along those lines. I like to think that if a person is completely happy and satisfied in a relationship, they won't feel the need or be tempted to cheat. But nobody is perfect, so I would forgive them.
 
Leareth said:
two blue eyed people should not have brown eyed children
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This is not true. Two blue-eyed parents can have a brown eyed child. This article on USA TODAY does a pretty good job at explaining why/how and states that it is very common.

Also hair, the article does discuss hair so I will state my experience, my wife and I are both blonde/dirty-blonde and our daughter was born with dark brown hair. We are also blue-eyed, as was our daughter and most all babies at birth. Her eyes stayed blue, have even become lighter almost pale blue and her hair is slowly changing to a lighter brown/blonde.
 
zim said:
This is not true. Two blue-eyed parents can have a brown eyed child. This article on USA TODAY does a pretty good job at explaining why/how and states that it is very common.

Also hair, the article does discuss hair so I will state my experience, my wife and I are both blonde/dirty-blonde and our daughter was born with dark brown hair. We are also blue-eyed, as was our daughter and most all babies at birth. Her eyes stayed blue, have even become lighter almost pale blue and her hair is slowly changing to a lighter brown/blonde.
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yes it is true that the blue eyed parents can have brown eyed child but its the hair color especially eyelash color that clinches it. while mutations are possible, having two is highly unlikely.

the whole point of my annecdote was that this guy did not want to admit to himself that his GF kept cheating on him, despite the overwhelming evidence, even with the DNA tests that confirm the all three children are not his , he still trusts her. :eek:
 
Here's a sub question - if your friend cheats on your friend, would you forgive the cheater then?


Personally, i think even though they're your friends, it's between them. Let them work it out. Be supportive of them and listen to them if they want to vent, but in the end it doesn't really concern you. Far too many people are fighting far too many personal battles and sticking their nose where they shouldnt
 
NONONONONONONONO!!!!

I have been married to my husband for 31 years. We would not have been committed to each other (married) if we didn't believe in not lying about ANYTHING to each other. I only want to be married ONCE and so does he.

We talked about everything important, including cheating, before being married; it's too important. Once that trust is gone, it's gone.
 
Yeah, sure, I've forgiven and been forgiven. Long distance relationship you know? Can't expect anyone to live in celibacy for a whole month. Besides that relationship dwarfed into friendly sex holidays and then friendship. Long distance relationships without cheating, they are utopia, and it's just better to accept it.

Then again if I'm around constantly and my gf would cheat on me, she'd be out of my life and have bad reputation afterwards in large circles.
 
I couldn't do it, and by that I mean forgive nor cheat.

In a short story I was temped to once (and from a scale of 1 to 10 on the girl who temped me, my friends believe she was a 9 pretty much I would have been super lucky), but ultimately declined because it wasn't the right thing to do. I told the truth to my girlfriend, and decided since I seriously considered it I thought we should end it, because I thought that meant I was starting to not care for her as much.

I was also cheated on once, and that pain that I went through was so much it kind of messed up my thoughts of dating over-all. I wouldn't wish that on anyone :(
 
Patrick425 said:
i would never ever ever ever forgive someone for cheating on me no matter what the circumstances are.
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Same here.

emmawu said:
Once that trust is gone, it's gone.
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I think that sums it up in a nutshell.

If you are in a relationship where you promise to be faithful with one another and are not, then the trust and foundation of your relationship is broken.

rajalot said:
Can't expect anyone to live in celibacy for a whole month.
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Sure you can ... if you want to.

It's called self discipline and having respect for your partner.

Rhosfelt said:
I was also cheated on once, and that pain that I went through was so much it kind of messed up my thoughts of dating over-all. I wouldn't wish that on anyone :(
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Empathize with you on this one.
 
rajalot said:
Yeah, sure, I've forgiven and been forgiven. Long distance relationship you know? Can't expect anyone to live in celibacy for a whole month.
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Yes you can. Ever since my girlfriend went to a uni in the next county over we only see each other ever 3 or so weeks (as well as all summer and Christmas), and this has been for 4 years so far with 1 last year coming up.
Neither of us has cheated and neither of us will.
 
raggedjimmi said:
Yes you can. Ever since my girlfriend went to a uni in the next county over we only see each other ever 3 or so weeks (as well as all summer and Christmas), and this has been for 4 years so far with 1 last year coming up.
Neither of us has cheated and neither of us will.
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But if I'm not mistaken you are both virgins, right? Things change a bit when you've had sex and enjoyed it. Cheating is a very different thing when you're talking on those terms. Plus I think you two are an exception. To be with someone for that long and not have sex is quite unusual.
 
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