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Can you forgive someone for cheating on you?
- Thread starter Leareth
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What an odd first post!
But you see in a relationship you both make the rules. In a healthy relationship you discuss, either directly or indirectly what you expect to happen and compromise a comfy middle ground.
Going off replies here the worst part seems to be the loss of trust with the partner which hints that they expected them to never cheat to start with.
But you see in a relationship you both make the rules. In a healthy relationship you discuss, either directly or indirectly what you expect to happen and compromise a comfy middle ground.
Going off replies here the worst part seems to be the loss of trust with the partner which hints that they expected them to never cheat to start with.
depends on the level of your "commitment"... courtship stage means both of you are still exploring.
also depends on how much you feel for him or her
also depends on how much you feel for him or her
Yes. A cry for attention, perhaps??
This is, after all, an "older" thread.
True, but exploring each other, not outsiders.
no. courtship is just that courtship... you explore a maximum of possibilities to get good results... Darwin theory: survival of the fittest
I agree completely, and with most of your other posts on this thread, too.
Again, I agree. Perspective does change with age.
Once again, I agree. Other things matter more, much more, than cheating. Life, death, and love.
Having joined the forum only quite recently, I have been following the various threads with fascination. Some are quite incredible - and eye-opening, and here, I am thinking of the extraordinary pair given life by jpmittens, one of which I have read fully which did make me wonder whether I shared the same world as some of the posters.
On the one hand, I am astounded, (and impressed, and a bit shocked) at the ease, and fluency, and effortless confidence with which these teenage posters write about their active sexual lives. Yes, it's great to be able to talk about it, discuss such matters, and to have mastered the vocabulary of sexuality - itself a type of empowerment. It is not the world I grew up in, where such discussions were rare, and sexual actions were furtive (and birth control banned). While I say good riddance to the old puritanical, and religious, sexual suppression, what has supplanted it sometimes surprises.
However, the other side of this youth led culture, is perhaps an accompanying rigidity in the adopted or chosen set of values. Reading this thread from start to finish, I am staggered by the tones of determined and certain, yes, judgement, on this issue. I, too, was exceedingly certain at twenty, about life, the universe, (not love) but most other things. Things change, and life changes you.
Cheating is not nice, it can be frequently a relationship wrecker, but it is not the end of the world, just sometimes the relationship. Yes, it effects families, deeply and woundingly. Anyway, relationships are not black and white, but shades of grey, and cheating is quite often a symptom, as much as a cause, of deeper difficulties in the relationship. Life moves on, and it is best to try not to let such things embitter one. Answer, yes, but not immediately, and, if I'm honest, not for quite a while.
Cheers
I can't believe there isn't a poll on this thread! 
I could forgive a person very easily for sleeping with someone else once, or twice. Couldn't forgive them for "sleeping around."
Mostly I can't expect someone to "sleep" with one person forever.
I could forgive a person very easily for sleeping with someone else once, or twice. Couldn't forgive them for "sleeping around."
Mostly I can't expect someone to "sleep" with one person forever.
Just so you know- I'm 41. My viewpoint comes from living my life and figuring out what works for me. I haven't found Mr Right yet, but I don't intend to sit around doing nothing til he does. Mr. Right Now certainly works in the meantime.
Good for you. I'm a college teacher, but this thread and forum have been an extraordinary - and fascinating education for me. I'm your decade also, and I agree that such things matter less as you (mellow with?) age. Cheers
personally... I'm on the camp where, save for a very few actions, any mistake should be forgiven the first time, as to err is to be human. That's how I approached being cheated on... the damage to trust, though, was irreparable. But I do believe I handled it correctly. ... I think so, anyway.
I mean... if you don't forgive, doesn't that mean you carry this weight with you until you do? Is it possible to move on and live if you don't forgive? not saying that doing so is easy... living isn't, really.
am I sounding a bit Zen? perhaps.
I mean... if you don't forgive, doesn't that mean you carry this weight with you until you do? Is it possible to move on and live if you don't forgive? not saying that doing so is easy... living isn't, really.
am I sounding a bit Zen? perhaps.
Nope.
Looking is ok (and free), and I've done some harmless flirting a bit while in a relationship - but never anything more. Cheating just means you weren't happy with the other person, and when a window of opportunity came along to knock-boots with someone else that was of interest, you selfishly took it.
My opinion anyway.
Anytime I felt like I wanted to cheat on a partner, I took that as a signal to really examine the relationship, and always I broke it off politely before either one of us got hurt. It's really just a respect-thing.
Never cheated, but been cheated on. Not a pleasant feeling.
And I suppose for some people, that's how their psychology works - not really happy with partner A for some reason, and even though person B standing over there looks yummie, they don't want to commit to losing everything with A for the great unknown with B. Solution: Cheat.
Granted, even chimps play this genetic merry-go-round game, but I thought we'd evolved a little more than that.
Oh well. 2 cents.
Looking is ok (and free), and I've done some harmless flirting a bit while in a relationship - but never anything more. Cheating just means you weren't happy with the other person, and when a window of opportunity came along to knock-boots with someone else that was of interest, you selfishly took it.
My opinion anyway.
Anytime I felt like I wanted to cheat on a partner, I took that as a signal to really examine the relationship, and always I broke it off politely before either one of us got hurt. It's really just a respect-thing.
Never cheated, but been cheated on. Not a pleasant feeling.
And I suppose for some people, that's how their psychology works - not really happy with partner A for some reason, and even though person B standing over there looks yummie, they don't want to commit to losing everything with A for the great unknown with B. Solution: Cheat.
Granted, even chimps play this genetic merry-go-round game, but I thought we'd evolved a little more than that.
Oh well. 2 cents.
I've never cheated or been cheated on...however I've been in the position of 'cheatee' if you will. I felt bad about it...except when she came to visit. She was easy on the eyes and, as far as I know, nobody ever knew. I wound up breaking it off when the guilty nagging in the back of my head began to outweigh the other benefits. Talk about a conflicted situation...
I can forgive..........But I don't think I would want to stay with someone who cheated..........
Understand.
Agree.
Disagree. Dating is just that. You are dating others to see what works. Courtship is a stage beyond dating where you are focused on the one, to see if he/she is really the one that you want to be with.
FWIW, I know some folks who use the top three system. You have 3 contenders and rank them as A, B and C. Another possibility comes along and let's say they are better than the B one. Then the new one becomes B, the old B becomes C and the old C one drops off the list and becomes a standby just in case the whole system goes south on you.
I understand your point, but believe it depends on how your relationship is established.
FWIW, I've known many males over the years who agree with your concept/system until the cards are reversed. Then they feel hurt, betrayed and simply cannot believe their spouse did this to them.
So I go back to my basic premise that it depends on how you establish your relationship up front.
hmm, probably not , see for me it's the lies involved that cause the BIG problem .
I suppose if something happened on say a Thursday & they came to you & confessed the next day, at the latest, then maybe , possibly , depending on there feelings/situation etc ...beyond that it's the lies .
If there is one thing I cannot stand it is someone who tells lies .
I suppose if something happened on say a Thursday & they came to you & confessed the next day, at the latest, then maybe , possibly , depending on there feelings/situation etc ...beyond that it's the lies .
If there is one thing I cannot stand it is someone who tells lies .
No , I don't , especially in the circumstances discussed in this thread , the only exception I may make is to preserve life .
I once was a regular blaggard/scoundrel/charlatan (call it what you will) in my early years , but no more sir > I can assure you .
I know how much lies can hurt and the damage that is done by them .
