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Can you forgive someone for cheating on you?
- Thread starter Leareth
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No, never.
There is never a reason to cheat, but unfortunately one of the problem's in today's society is that many people have no time for the concepts of respect, partnership and family.
There is never a reason to cheat, but unfortunately one of the problem's in today's society is that many people have no time for the concepts of respect, partnership and family.
Fantastic! Way to go!
Granted it may be harder if you know what the fruit is like before hand.
However, I would suggest that cheating is cheating regardless or whether you've been with 0, 1, or 100. But that's just me.
I've known a few who've done this, but would agree that it is not the norm.
IMHO, it's all about priorities, integrity, and character of the individuals involved.
Yes, you can.
Yes, I have.
I wonder how many of the people on here claiming with such assured certainty that they will be never be able to forgive have actually been in that situation.
Would you really just throw away 8+ years (in my case) of a relationship?
Just because you're hurt? No. You make an adult choice and you do some serious thinking and talking.
And life goes on.
Of course if your relationship is already broken for other reasons then go ahead and walk away.
It all depends. If they do it behind my back and lie about it then no forgiveness.
If they are honest about it and just want to have experiment with someone else then I'm fine with it. I let my partners know my stand on things immediately in the relationship.
If they are honest about it and just want to have experiment with someone else then I'm fine with it. I let my partners know my stand on things immediately in the relationship.
Myself for one. My wife for another.
I could go on, as I have many friends who feel the same way.
That sums it up well.
Agree.
An agreement like this between both partners is fine if it works for them.
However, this is completely different than two people who are in a monogamous relationship, where one or both cheat on each other in secret which violates the trust in the relationship.
Guess I need to spell it out.
My wife was divorced a long time ago. Her ex cheated.
I had relationships prior to getting married to my wife. A couple GFs cheated.
I have.
It was 13+ years, and I wasn't the one throwing it away.
It ended... with no option of turning back, because I knew her well enough to know that it would be even easier for her to do it a second time having done it the first time. The hard choice for her would have been crossing that line the first time. The next time she was in the same position the choice would be quite a bit easier.
And no matter how much I wanted to still be with her, what we had was gone. And what we would have had going forward would have damaged the memory of what we had for me, and that wasn't worth the effort.
In my case I resolved to recall what it was that made our relationship special to me (absolute and unconditional trust) and to make sure that I gave myself the opportunity to have that with someone else in the future. I'm quite happy in my relationship (of 9 years) with my wife, and even happier that I didn't wallow in the pieces of a relationship that had taken a Humpty Dumpty turn.
As for your decision qualifying as being a more adult choice than anyone else's, well, all I can say is that you've made your bed and now you'll have to wonder if someone else is lying in it.
As for your decision qualifying as being a more adult choice than anyone else's, well, all I can say is that you've made your bed and now you'll have to wonder if someone else is lying in it.
Now that was a very immature response from you.
Care to give it another shot?
No, it was perfect the first time.
See, I don't think you have any special gift for judging what is or is not an adult choice (or an immature response). You are willing to maintain this state of self delusion, but don't expect the rest of us to provide support for it.
Unless you are saying that you would like to reconsider the wording of your original post... then I might reconsider it.
Oh, who are we kidding... of course I wouldn't.
Understand.Thanks.
Sometimes difficult to read between the lines
Ouch.
If it is any consolation, I've had friends with 20 plus years of marriage calling it quits.
Sorry to hear.
But it looks like you found a better direction to take.
Good for you. Nice to hear some positive came out of it.
I think you really should forgive, I've been in that situation, and 9 times out of 10 because there's a lack of communication, you should atleast talk things over, even if in the end result the relationship does break up, atleast you tried on your end to fix things.
Oh, who are we kidding... of course I wouldn't.
Of course you wouldn't.
And neither would I.Let's just agree to differ as two 40-something year olds
To be clear: I was not judging you or asking for your agreement or support I always only speak for myself.
Read my original post. I said "I wonder how many" etcetera
I certainly did not say everyone.
I honestly don't understand all of this cheating/infidelity stuff. I said this before- but sometimes you just want a little something different. If people would stop and think and talk about that, this stuff might not be such a problem. If someone is going behind your back and lying to you, that's one thing. But if they just wanna sleep with somebody else for a change, I certainly don't have a problem with that. Go ahead, just tell me all the good parts later. Or better yet, let's make it a threesome.
Oh- and be CAREFUL.Or, just perhaps, many of us believe in the concept monogamy and having a single life partner.
I'll never cheat. I've done some bad stuff, but I'll never cheat. I believe sex is intimate and should be shared with only the one you love. Pretty traditional in that sense, I guess. Having said that, I could forgive my current girl for cheating on me if it was a one-off. I love her completely and find it hard not to forgive her easily. Plus, she's had barely any experience and she's understandably slightly curious. I hope she doesn't but I'd probably still stand by her if she did.
I honestly don't understand all of this cheating/infidelity stuff. I said this before- but sometimes you just want a little something different. If people would stop and think and talk about that, this stuff might not be such a problem. If someone is going behind your back and lying to you, that's one thing. But if they just wanna sleep with somebody else for a change, I certainly don't have a problem with that. Go ahead, just tell me all the good parts later. Or better yet, let's make it a threesome.
Exactly right.
Personally*, I feel far more secure in my relationship by being able to let my partner be free and vice versa.
At the end of the day… "Amor Vincit Omnia".
If the relationship ends it will be for other reasons (snoring anyone?
) — and not because he or I "slept around".It works for us.
Oh, and that doesn't mean we're irresponsible.
*Disclaimer! I only speak for myself in all these posts. Lest someone accuse me of forcing them to act in ways they consider "immoral". It is also not a personal attack or in anyway a judgment of other people's lifestyle choices. We all have to find what works for us. Our ways of finding happiness differ. Value of stocks may go down as well as up… etcetera etcetera…
Agreed. Personally, i can feel really on edge and constrained if my partner is really clingy and wants a really committed relationship, especially early on, and my last girlfriend (no one cheated in this relationship) felt the same way. Even if we know that we won't do anything, we'd just rather have it be our own decision rather than doing it for someone else. When you do something because you want to, you are a lot more committed to it than when you feel like you have to act a certain way...
