from the other empty box thread:
From UPS website FAQ:
"I've been delivered an empty box, what should I do?"
We've had this issue before, and developed a method for reporting and dealing with the issue. Follow the steps below BEFORE calling customer service.
1. Re-seal the box and write the words "Kladda Burata Nicto" on the SIDE of it with a blue marker. It MUST be blue, or else you risk angering Baal, the demon associated with UPS package delivery.
2. Re-open the box, and place it unto your head, with the words written in blue marker in the BACK, facing behind you. This is an important step, for without it you risk tearing a hole in spacetime.
3. Lift one foot, close your eyes, take the box from your head and then place it FACE DOWN on a table made from the bones of a Catholic Saint. You can find such a table on eBay or other auction website.
4. Wait 17 days, 4 hours, and 32 seconds, not one second more or less, and then lift the box. Do not alter the time or else you risk unleashing a poltergeist upon your family for 17 generations. If done correctly, your missing cargo should appear beneath.
If these steps do not work, then and ONLY then call customer service, at 1-800-PICK-UPS