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Fathers Reaction To Facebook Post

One part of her letter has stuck in my head. The part about her cleaning the floors and then her dad walks in and tracks mud all over them. And then she's expected to clean them again.

If that's true, that's just mean and unnecessary.

Take off your ****ing shoes before you enter the house. How hard is that?
 
swingerofbirch said:
What if he shot a gun into the air? What if he shot it at the ground toward her feet? What if he had used a silencer?
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He didn't do any of those things. Have you ever fired a gun before? The vast majority of gun owners know how to handle them safely. It's only the people that have an anti-gun superiority complex that will pick one up off a table with their finger on the trigger and inspect it by pointing it at their own face. Every time.

Personally, if someone ever showed me a video of themselves shooting a piece of property of mine, I would be afraid for my life. To me, the message is, "I'm unpredictable, and I use firearms." I would not stay in that vicinity if this were me, but we've already established that there are cultural differences at play.
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You scare far too easily. This was nothing more than a creative way to dispose of a piece of property. He could have used a baseball bat or run over it with his truck. Both of those alternate methods also could have been used to murder his daughter, but I doubt that's the message she would get.
 
Thomas Veil said:
How to Parent Wrong.

One of the two people in this conflict is supposed to be the adult here...but I don't see one. I see a guy who got his widdle feelings hurt by his daughter and whose response is way over the top.

And don't give me any crap about his daughter being a brat. Yes, her idea of being paid for chores is obviously unrealistic. Yes, she might be out looking for a job (although it sounds like her father keeps her busy in his clinic). And yes, her Facebook rant was disrespectful, particularly after he fixed her laptop.

But there sounds like there's more to the story than her father is telling. She's not going to bed exhausted from doing three minutes of floor sweeping and one minute of countertop cleaning a day. There's the disparity between his and her versions of what jobs she's expected to do. There's the dad's claim that when he was her age (15) he'd moved out of the house, lived on his own, gone to college in high school, worked two jobs, and was a volunteer fireman. You gotta wonder about at least a couple of those things.

The core of the problem is, he is expecting her to be him. Or at least the him, the accomplished 15 year old that he describes.

And she's not him. Nor does she have any obligation to be him. She has an obligation to help around the house, and if her parents want her to work for her laptop and phone, that's reasonable. (Barely. Remember, she's 15 now, and this tussle has obviously been going on for a while.) She also should be respectful to her parents.

But if this father's video is any indication of his brand of parental discipline -- responding to immature behavior with his own immature behavior -- then you have to wonder how he treats his kid when he's not on camera.

Parenting involves talking to your kids -- sometimes talking to them until you're bleeding from the ears, trying to get through. I hope this guy got his rocks off, because he just made the situation between him and his daughter infinitely worse. He thinks she disrespected him before? At least that disrespect was meant to be limited to her Facebook friends. This guy -- a supposed IT professional -- didn't think his hillbilly justice video response could end up going viral? Huh. He's just accelerated his daughter's attitude from disrespect to downright hate.

Smart parenting there, "dad".
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I am so glad I found my way to this post before skimming through all the rest of the "way to go dad" replies. A parent doesn't get to act like this without consequence. He's probably a deick all the time.. no wonder she played him. LOL
 
Surely said:
One part of her letter has stuck in my head. The part about her cleaning the floors and then her dad walks in and tracks mud all over them. And then she's expected to clean them again.

If that's true, that's just mean and unnecessary.

Take off your ****ing shoes before you enter the house. How hard is that?
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I agree! The whole thing struck me as mental torture, and that is one good example of it. It isn't that she's not going to school or following all of his rules and doing chores. All she did was complain about her life, which everyone does! And then the crap about her paying for the bullets, etc. He has so much control over her. I have heard the expression that parents have to choose their battles, but it seems he has petty battles with her on every front and wins them all. It's not psychologically healthy to marginalize a person to that extent, or to any extent really. I am not trying to be hyperbolic when I say it looks to me like psychological abuse. Yet, at the same time, there is an odd creepy feel to it, where he seems happy and not even that mad, like he's acting. And if you go to his Facebook page you can see he seems to have a very high affect since this video made him a "star."

This is so twilight zone-ish to me. Think of TV shows for example with parents and children. Now, of course it's not real, but it attempts to capture the way people are. Have you ever seen a TV show where a teenager doesn't complain and the parents just contain the complaining? Have you ever seen a show where a parent can't get a teenager to do what they want but they still react in a normal way? The Cosby Show was unusual in what taskmasters the parents were on that show, but could you imagine if Bill Huxtable had shot one of his daughter's computers, filmed it, and then shown it to the world? It would be rather dark compared how that show was—a show many people saw as ideal. And I know that is art and not real life, but you know the expression about art and life. And in my real life, having been a child and having known other children and how they related to their parents, this would have been just extremely bizarre. I mean the reaction would have been, is there something wrong with him? Is he mentally ill? Not in a mean way, but it is just so far from the expected order of life. There are so many rational things you could do instead. You could take away the computer! He has guns locked up all over the house, why not lock up the computer? What would Bill Cosby, Tim Allen, or one of those other TV dads have done? Or your next door neighbor? What frightens me is how many people seem to think this would be normal behavior for their next door neighbor.
 
swingerofbirch said:
Personally, if someone ever showed me a video of themselves shooting a piece of property of mine, I would be afraid for my life. To me, the message is, "I'm unpredictable, and I use firearms." I would not stay in that vicinity if this were me, but we've already established that there are cultural differences at play.

But I am just wondering if this is not crossing the line, what variation of his actions would you find intimidating toward your safety? Also, if this is a normal thing to do, would you find it normal for the daughter to respond in kind and use a gun to shoot one of his possessions as retribution? That would actually not be escalating the situation in the way the father did. He went from her expressing her feelings to shooting an expensive object. If she were to continue his pattern of escalation, the results would be tragic. I happen to think they already are, but . . .
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A couple things… from a father. Every single thing that my kids call "their property" were paid for by me. I consider everything I pay for to be something I can withhold in anyway I like. (not that I'd post a video of shooting it online, though).

Another item to think about: Those who grow up in areas where gun ownership is common are far less likely to be scared of them. I'll bet that video would be far more terrorizing to a kid living in an area where guns are generally only used by criminals, than by a girl who probably sees them every day. The gun culture of the area should probably be considered when making an assessment of the situation. Parents from that area are probably elated. Parents from Chicago, NY, etc. are understandably shocked.

I now live in an area where there are lots of earthquakes (Japan). We don't flinch for a 5.0. Visitors are terrified. I think there's a similarity.

I don't have an issue with shooting the computer, but I grew up where a lot of folks would shoot up targets in the back yard as a hobby. Shooting stuff up wasn't considered violent (if it's stuff in your own backyard). It was something to do while your steak is cooking on the grill. If he posted a video of him smacking his daughter, that'd be very different to me.
 
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It's nothing more than a very effective publicity stunt.
Don't feed the unstable, butthurt, attention whore.
 
Apple OC said:
the guy is an idiot ... and has caused a serious setback into having a future relationship with his daughter.

He has risked losing her for many years with such a jerk reaction.
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He's giving the daughter a wake-up call. Before this, her view of the situation was completely self-centered and based on an incorrect sense of entitlement. She now has an opportunity to seriously think about the whole situation.

And she got two lessons for her life that are invaluable: 1. Nothing on the internet is private (including Facebook postings starting with "To my parents" that you don't want your parents to read). 2. Actions have consequences.

An interesting statistics that I read, reasonably related: In the UK, the police runs a phone line that you can call to shop a criminal. The callers divide about equally into three groups: "Concerned citizens", friends and family who want to stop someone who is getting into crime before things get too bad, and criminals who report the competition.


Queen of Spades said:
That's just it, it wasn't a choice between shooting a laptop or hitting a child. He had any number of other options he could have used to deal with the situation. I don't believe his actions were solely for the benefit of his child. If they were, he wouldn't have recorded them with a message to the world and put it on YouTube.
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The daughter basically said "I have power over you because I can post things on Facebook and you can do nothing about it.". The dad corrected that misunderstanding in a very convincing way.
 
William.Mantle said:
His use of a firearm is disturbing

This is neither cool or what a parent should be advocating

Disgusting
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WTF? He OWNED the computer and he BOUGHT it himself... if he wants to destroy it, it's his to destroy!
I'd rather see him shoot his own computer rather than some kid shooting my kid because he has a parent like you who doesn't believe in punishing a brat!
In the day we were just taken out back and "SWITCHED" with a limb off the tree! Nowadays you do it and your "abusing" the child, and end up in prison for child abuse! Teachers and principals at one time "PADDLED" you... what terrible things! But see what's going on in schools today? Kids are walking through the halls and LITERALLY KILLING PEOPLE WITH AR15's and I have to ask the people who don't believe in punishment.... who actually gets punished in the end? BUT, this dad is just SO, SO TERRIBLE my Lord!
"SPARE THE ROD, SPOIL THE CHILD" is the best parable I've ever heard!
More kids need a knot jerked in their asses if you ask me!
People like you are what create these MONSTERS in society today because you don't believe in disciplining your kids!
 
Sideonecincy said:
Why didn't he either sell the laptop or block facebook from her computer? There are much bigger problems than looking to see what someone is writing on a facebook wall.
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I think that he wanted to send a message that simply telling her "I sold your computer" wouldn't get across. And if someone has the computer in their possession, it does'n ttake much to work around blocks like that.

As for the bit about the facebook wall?Who knows how long that will stay even after you delete it?

Facebook can harm you greatly and this girl is treating it like it's actually private stuff between friends. It's not. You can lose jobs, both jobs you are trying to get, and ones you already have.

You could be the next Clint McCance. Aka "douchebag"
Thomas Veil said:
The core of the problem is, he is expecting her to be him. Or at least the him, the accomplished 15 year old that he describes.
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Is he? From the sound of the post, she doesn't have any extra-cirricular activies, and
ender land said:
It's hard to say. We have no idea what their relationship is outside this video (obviously). I'm not sure I would say this is overly immature though - he clearly thought about this.
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Agree.
William.Mantle said:
You seem incredibly defensive of this person... Something you want to tell us?
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You seem incredibly hostile towards this person... Something you want to tell us?
 
thekev said:
He smokes and feels the need to own a .45. He could be a drug dealer. You don't know. That he thinks it's okay to just shoot something in anger tells me that he's lacking in intelligence, self control, or both. Again his daughter was venting on things by his own description. What do you think is a better alternative there?
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See, it's this mindset that's RUINING our youth, and our heritage!

A.) DID he shoot the laptop? NO, so it's all HYPOTHETICAL... it doesn't exist (even though your sick mind THINKS IT ACTUALLY DID!)

B.)Even if he did, it's HIS LAPTOP to shoot!

C.) He's an ADULT and if he wants to smoke, he CAN!



D.) I hope you get home invaded, OR get in a situation where you need a firearm because NO discipline BREEDS this EXACT type of behavior... and also kids who go through schools on shooting sprees! HELLO! UNRULY TEENS!
WE NEVER SEEN THOSE TRAITS IN OUR YOUTH! Because we would have had our heads stuck in the ground like an ostrich! These kids think they can get away with ANYTHING today... because they DO! The LAWS ignorant people vote on breed this crap!
 
Sick fathers will sometimes go to the extreme of murdering entire families when he can no longer control them with fear. A gun has no place in disciplinary actions toward a child. And I grew up with guns.. This fool gives anti-gun activists ammunition and his guns should be removed by law enforcement imo
 
swingerofbirch said:
At 15 years old, a person should enjoy being a child and expressing her feelings. Children are individuals from birth and to not have the ability to express yourself at 15 is disturbing. I think it's important to help a person to trust their inner voice.
[...]

I believe it is unreasonable for parents to have children for the purpose of being "help" around the house, such as doing an inordinate number of chores around the house, take care of other children you bear, or take care of your own affairs. Children do not ask to be born. If you bear children, it is your responsibility to help them find their voice, their desires, meaning and purpose, and nurture their will, not to break it into depressed resignation.
Now, the one thing I will say, is that if I were a parent, I probably would be embarrassed for my child if they wrote something that showed any type of distress. I tend to keep my Facebook postings very up and up. But I mean, there's the art of talking for an issue like that. When I was young, I can remember my parents saying how healthy it was that we would get upset at home because school was very stressful (I was a very high achieving child in challenging classes from an early age), and they always said it was better to get upset at them at home than at school. At school I would have felt scandalized if anyone had seen me in a less than positive light. I was a very self-policed child, you might say. I felt I had to exceed everyone's expectations of me, and that came from a very internal place. My parents told me that school was my job, and so I took that seriously. They weren't perfect parents of course. You need a self of worth outside of school.
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It's my belief that at fifteen, you are done being a child. It's time to grow up. All at once? No. Allowable to make mistakes? Yes. But it's time to learn that mistakes have consequences, especially whe you willfully repeat the mistakes.

What she did was the equivlant of complaining about her parents in class, at the top of her lungs. In this day, the online you (Facebook, etc) can be just as important in getting a job when you grow up as grades. She needs to learn that.

zioxide said:
Sweeping the kitchen floor, wiping the counter, emptying the dishwasher, making your own bed, and washing any of your own dirty clothes that you need clean doesn't seem like much. Aside from the laundry (which takes more time because you are waiting for the washer/dryer), those tasks can all be finished in under 15 minutes.
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Don't forget, while waiting to move laundry, you can do homework or other chores

Queen of Spades said:
My problem wasn't that the notebook was hers, my problem was with his mode of communication. Shooting 9 bullets through a laptop because you child has behaved selfishly and immaturely makes it really easy to see where the attitude comes from.
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The problem with this is that you are assuming the dad is irresponsible in gun use.

When I was old enough to understand that guns are not toys, and stayed at my uncle's house for a summer, he made sure not only that I knew where the guns, ammo,and key to the other two were, but that if I even looked at the key, my life better be in danger and the phone lines cut. He hunted, he would shoot for recreation, but he made sure that his kids (and I) knew what a gun was. That they are not cool. They are not toys.

Which means if he had done something similar to me, or one of my older cousins, we'd know EXACTLY where we stood.
 
Gun thing sends out the wrong message. I would never consider showcasing use of a gun in a punishment in any way. Especially not to teenagers on Facebook.

But that aside - very cool! You can tell he was genuinely upset throughout, but he did a good job composing himself 🙂
 
srf4real said:
Sick fathers will sometimes go to the extreme of murdering entire families when he can no longer control them with fear. A gun has no place in disciplinary actions toward a child. And I grew up with guns.. This fool gives anti-gun activists ammunition and his guns should be removed by law enforcement imo
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Haha... you're pretending to be pro-gun, but you think someone should have their guns confiscated for plinking on their own property?

Nice try.
 
Good for him. He's finally learning that you need to make kids pay for their own luxuries or you get spoiled brats.

I had to save up for gadgets and gizmos. I bought my first computer at 13 spending about $1,800 after a couple years of saving. The last stuff my parents got me was a nice TV for a high school graduation present and a laptop when I transferred to a university from a JC.

As I got older and made more money I had to pay for more stuff on my own. By her age I had to buy my own clothes and any new furniture as well.

You also appreciate stuff more that you've worked hard for.
 
Wow that guy's an idiot.

Teenagers will always complain, it's a phase of life. Parents should try to deal with this and make sure they learn responsibility, it's a part if their role.

However, this guy did it in a stupid and immature way. Poor parenting.
 
Am I the only one here on the side of the kid?

Am I the only who would've gone to my child and said: "hey, I'm sorry you feel this way, I will not go into the house you've just cleaned with my dirty, muddy shoes - and I'll give you an allowance for all the chores you do, so you can save some money - or maybe ask the cleaning lady to help you out when you need time off"

I for one believe this girl. Why? Because at 14 I was babysitting 2 sisters, cooking and cleaning my house after high school so my parents could work and pay off the bills. And I'm a guy. Did I complain? Yes.

Did my father pull out a gun and shoot off something as personal and important as my laptop? No. The show of violence is in my view unacceptable.

Having said that - I live in NYC with some of the most disrespectful, rude and arrogant children I have ever met. They don't speak, or ask, they curse you for any reason. I'm afraid of taking the train with some of these kids, and pretty much try to stay clear of public transportation after 3 PM. In my view this is due to lack of parenting, and a few other factors - poverty, gangs, drugs, teenage behavior, bullying, etc. So in the extreme versions of too much parenting and too little.

I guess I'll take this guy.
 
NutsNGum said:
Don't know if this has been posted already, but:

The dad speaks
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More details have emerged about Jordan's relationship with his daughter. He and she had reportedly only been living together for six months before he decided YouTube and bullets was the right media for his frustrations. Before, Hannah had lived with her mother (Jordan's ex-wife), five hours' drive from dad's home in Albermarle, N.C..
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This makes me question his actions a helluva lot more.
 
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