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GayWay - the gay and lesbian discussion (aka. Any Gays here?)

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Funny...I was thinking about this thread last night. I don't know why, maybe it's because the conversation at the time was boring the **** out of me. Oh well. No matter. I think I'm glad to see it back. The world has changed so much since this thread was started, for good, bad, or indifferent I've yet to still figure out.

Crazy though.
 
dmw007 said:
Lets not go there...yuck! ;)
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LOL

Glad to hear that the company that you work for is so understanding and does not discriminate against people.

I wish more companies/people would be like this. :rolleyes:
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They could do better, but don't because the laws do not require them too. They could choose to provide Family Leave Act benefits for when my ex and I were together. Not sure on how they would handle "bereavement benefits" if my ex had passed away, but given some of their other policies, I doubt it.

But as a place that I can be myself, I could not ask for more. It was comforting to be able to talk honestly of the issues that my ex and I faced as a couple in the past year and half. No different than "straight" couples facing the same challenges.

Subtle discrimination probably does happen (though no concern for me since I am the maverick - and the company prefers those that are not honest with their opinions and thoughts, unless they are family IMO). The company seems to value those of us that stay around (our receptionist celebrated 25 years with the company a couple of years ago - and I am the baby of the company with just 5 1/2 years in). And at this point in my life I am happy to be myself, and to be the individual I want to be, rather than living up to expectations that corporate America seems to have.

For I worked for companies that my ex was a "roommate" (and the one time that I thought it was "safe" to bring a boyfriend to a company picnic - I ended up with a pie in my face as a "fun" birthday "present" from my co-workers). That even ear rings were "frowned" upon. And tats that showed in any way were a no-no. Hence my tats are on my left pec and left thigh. And the only active piercing is my left nipple. Had to give up my ear piercing years ago.

So some of the "short comings" outweigh the "freedom" that I now feel.
 
That sounds great, Chip. I will most likely end up teaching when I leave school, but God knows when that will be. I hope to get my Ph.D, but that's another topic. I only hope that by the time I get into the work force, things will be different. I hope I never have to refer to my boyfriend as a roommate. That would make me very sad. Almost as sad as when I was told not to introduce any of my boyfriends to my parents. But that's a whole nother topic also.

But who knows. Maybe I'll be able to support myself on soley my writing and never have to worry about those things. :rolleyes: Or find a sugar daddy. :D
 
Didn't say it was a long story. Just another topic. Don't wanna bring anyone down. But if you really want to hear it, read on.

I come from a very traditional, Catholic, Southern family. I came out to my parents. A while later I had a nose bleed. I have chronic nosebleeds because the vains in my nose are too little for all the blood. My mom freaked out and told me to get an HIV test. I told her I had no reason too. She told me to get one anyway. A little while later she was talking to me about how I need to take care of myself because AIDS is a real threat, which it is, and it scares me, but hey, I just gotta be safe. And she told me taht I was to keep my relationships to myself, that they didn't want to know about them, and that she'd rather me be lonley than happy if I were to "chose this lifestyle and pursue homosexuality".

Said it was a downer. I don't let it get to me though. I know it takes time. And that's all I can really give them.

Now for happiness! :D
 
Guitarius said:
Didn't say it was a long story. Just another topic. Don't wanna bring anyone down. But if you really want to hear it, read on.

I come from a very traditional, Catholic, Southern family. I came out to my parents. A while later I had a nose bleed. I have chronic nosebleeds because the vains in my nose are too little for all the blood. My mom freaked out and told me to get an HIV test. I told her I had no reason too. She told me to get one anyway. A little while later she was talking to me about how I need to take care of myself because AIDS is a real threat, which it is, and it scares me, but hey, I just gotta be safe. And she told me taht I was to keep my relationships to myself, that they didn't want to know about them, and that she'd rather me be lonley than happy if I were to "chose this lifestyle and pursue homosexuality".

Said it was a downer. I don't let it get to me though. I know it takes time. And that's all I can really give them.

Now for happiness! :D
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Sounds familiar. I can tell you that it'll take them quite a while to come around, but be patient. And do be extremely safe- prove them wrong about HIV. You don't automatically get because you're gay. I proved mine wrong, and I live through the 80's. :)
 
Daveway said:
That's depressing. You're her son and she loves you, but she should not object to what makes you happy. She should be happy for you.
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I'm just hoping that it's a scared reaction. Scared of what? That something bad will happen to me? I dunno just yet. But I'm giving them their time to deal with it. That's all I can really do, right?
 
Guitarius said:
I'm just hoping that it's a scared reaction. Scared of what? That something bad will happen to me? I dunno just yet. But I'm giving them their time to deal with it. That's all I can really do, right?
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I can't really speak for you or your mom, nor from personal experience (I'm not gay), but if I were to venture forth w/ a few guesses...

I think that if I was a mother, and I had a child who told me he was gay, I would be scared because I simply don't understand what it's like: Would he be persecuted? Discriminated against? I wouldn't want my child subjected to that!

Would he have the same opportunities as a straight person or a closeted individual?

I could no longer offer what feels like "relevant" dating/love advice, I could no longer feel like an important figure in my child's life...

*shrugg* That's just what I think of when I try to imagine how I would feel... I hope I didn't offend anyone.
 
Guitarius said:
I'm just hoping that it's a scared reaction. Scared of what? That something bad will happen to me? I dunno just yet. But I'm giving them their time to deal with it. That's all I can really do, right?
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Based on my Mom's reactions I think it is two issues. One is that the dream of grandchildren may have died. The other more serious concern is our well being.

My Mom passed away before AIDS, but with passing note of GRID. What helped me with my Mom, and to a certain degree with my Dad; was that they saw me with "dates" that lasted a good while. You know the normal "dating scene, not a different "friend" each weekend. It probably helped that some of my boyfriends were more into the NFL and the such than I was. :D

That in the end, I was living up to the values of Love and Respect for the person I was with.
 
devilot76 said:
I can't really speak for you or your mom, nor from personal experience (I'm not gay), but if I were to venture forth w/ a few guesses...

I think that if I was a mother, and I had a child who told me he was gay, I would be scared because I simply don't understand what it's like: Would he be persecuted? Discriminated against? I wouldn't want my child subjected to that!

Would he have the same opportunities as a straight person or a closeted individual?

I could no longer offer what feels like "relevant" dating/love advice, I could no longer feel like an important figure in my child's life...

*shrugg* That's just what I think of when I try to imagine how I would feel... I hope I didn't offend anyone.
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No offense taken. It is all about gender stereotypes that we are brought up with. I was lucky with my Mom, in that I broke up with a boyfriend of a years length. When she noticed that he was not coming around as he had, she asked me what I did wrong to have him "dump" me! In the end she was supportive, when I told her that he decided to go back to an ex-lover.

Her advice was that despite the hurt and the "betrayal" I felt, I should stick to my guns and find someone nearly like him, that cared so much for me. And hopefully I could find one that did not have desires for the past, but one that had desires for the the future for the two of us. :)
 
Yeah. She often tells me she just doesn't understand. She seems to bring it up more than me, then again, the only time I've ever brought it up in any was was when I came out. She's a doctor, so I think AIDS is what scares her the most. I'm not an only child, so she'll get some grandkids from my brother and sister, and I hope that one day she will get some from me as well. I want to have some kids one day. I just hope I get the chance.

I think another thing that bothers her is that she's gone all these years knowing me one way, then I go and drop this bomb and she doesn't know how to deal with it. But she's already starting to come around from her initial reactions a few months ago, so hey, it won't last forever.

Maybe I should have waited longer, I dunno. I'm heading off to college, so I needed to get it out before I left. Maybe I shouldn't have given her the whole summer with me to ponder it. I dunno. There will always be "What should I have done differently?" But I choose to look at the happier things in life. I've been through a lot in my life, and it hasn't even been that long. I've done a pretty good job with rolling with the punches, so why let this one take me down?
 
Guitarius said:
Maybe I should have waited longer, I dunno. I'm heading off to college, so I needed to get it out before I left. Maybe I shouldn't have given her the whole summer with me to ponder it. I dunno. There will always be "What should I have done differently?" But I choose to look at the happier things in life. I've been through a lot in my life, and it hasn't even been that long. I've done a pretty good job with rolling with the punches, so why let this one take me down?
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Mothers in particular "know" long term. My own admitted that I lived up to here "fears" from an early age. And she tried to blame herself for my "upbringing". I tried to comfort her with the knowledge that I tried dating girls sincerely, and I tried to find comfort in the Church and God; and in the end I had to be the person I wanted to be. And to try and be the person she had tried to make me be, but in the end it would be with Steven, not Stephanie. She seemed to come to accept that in the end.
 
Brian0523 said:
Just wondering if I'm the only one

Sorry for sounding like a jerk - I'm just curious about other gay mac geeks like me that's all.
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Nope, your not alone
I grew up in chicago and the first chance I had at 18, I took the advice of the Petshop Boys and headed West

And yes, there is an actual Holland Park Neighborhood in London (plus an actual park), but I didnt bump into Edina nor Patsy :( ;) :)
Ill try to find the pic
 
When I came out, everyone was "Duh, we know"
When I came out to my friend Maura, we had been smokin up all night watching Liquid Television and playing Zombies Ate My Neighbors on Sega, I just blurted out "Maura, Im Gay" 5 minutes of dead silence, I finally said are you ok, she turned and said No, you just killed my high, but I know and its all good, I love you no matter what, now pack that bowl *******. :eek: Later on when I was on boyfriend #2, my BF was staying at Mauras house (We were 18 at the time)
She actually tried to get us to let her watch us having sex.... Gotta love your friends :eek: :eek:

Coming out to my grandparents was weird, they were ok with it, but later on my grandmother tried to get me to tell her what gay guys do together, HELLO AWKWARD, I of course changed the subject ASAP.
She was my biggest supporter, and went for the jugular of anyone who put me down.
 
Guitarius, sounds like your coming out experience went a little rough with your mom. As far as her reaction to AIDS goes, it's amazing to witness the ill opinions of homosexuality in America. Being Gay is equated with having a certain type of sex, but being hetero is not quickly related to its intercourse. There are many misconceptions and inconsistencies with the broad views of homosexuality in the states.

Oh, but i need to leave! Arg!
 
neildmitchell said:
When I came out, everyone was "Duh, we know"
When I came out to my friend Maura, we had been smokin up all night watching Liquid Television and playing Zombies Ate My Neighbors on Sega, I just blurted out "Maura, Im Gay" 5 minutes of dead silence, I finally said are you ok, she turned and said No, you just killed my high, but I know and its all good, I love you no matter what, now pack that bowl *******. :eek: Later on when I was on boyfriend #2, my BF was staying at Mauras house (We were 18 at the time)
She actually tried to get us to let her watch us having sex.... Gotta love your friends :eek: :eek:

Coming out to my grandparents was weird, they were ok with it, but later on my grandmother tried to get me to tell her what gay guys do together, HELLO AWKWARD, I of course changed the subject ASAP.
She was my biggest supporter, and went for the jugular of anyone who put me down.
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Your grandparents rock hard.

Mine would probably choke on her dentures.. or something like that. Then my parents would hate me. You know, my dad actually told me if I was gay, then I'd be out of the will, and he was dead serious. Sucks to have republican parents, right? So I'm keeping quiet, for now.
 
Guitarius said:
Didn't say it was a long story. Just another topic. Don't wanna bring anyone down. But if you really want to hear it, read on.

I come from a very traditional, Catholic, Southern family. I came out to my parents. A while later I had a nose bleed. I have chronic nosebleeds because the vains in my nose are too little for all the blood. My mom freaked out and told me to get an HIV test. I told her I had no reason too. She told me to get one anyway. A little while later she was talking to me about how I need to take care of myself because AIDS is a real threat, which it is, and it scares me, but hey, I just gotta be safe. And she told me taht I was to keep my relationships to myself, that they didn't want to know about them, and that she'd rather me be lonley than happy if I were to "chose this lifestyle and pursue homosexuality".

Said it was a downer. I don't let it get to me though. I know it takes time. And that's all I can really give them.

Now for happiness! :D
Click to expand...

Amen to the happiness...I've got a similar situation going on, my father is a deacon in that Catholic church, to make things just that much more awkward. So I came out to them 6 months ago in a rather anti-climactic television watching session, and they didn't go ballistic (weren't exactly happy either...esp. when I told them I was seeing someone), but pretty much the same sentiments as Guitarius' rents.

Only problem is, my parents (save one or two brief and awkward convos and a few creepy letters from my father admonishing me to "be good" because he "hoped to one day share in the joys of heaven" with me) haven't really breeched the subject at all. It's quite surreal...anyone else find this a bit odd? It's just very taxing, emotionally...i'm trying to just move on to the happiness and doesn't always work too well when you can't really talk about it with parents or anything (let alone hope to have them be happy for you someday if you find what you're looking for). Listened to some very loud music this morning...

Oh well...that's my minor venting for the day, I needed it, thanks all :) You guys really are great. And Guitarius, you're just cool. Cheers to keeping on living :)
 
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