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Guy at school harassing my girlfriend?
- Thread starter AlmostJosh
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In my experience, diagnosing somebody with a personality disorder on the secondhand report of the guy who feels wronged or insecure because of her is probably not an especially reliable thing to do.
Furthermore, diagnosing a teenaged girl with an affliction whose symptoms include emotional unpredictability, attention-seeking and not really seeming to know what she wants out of a relationship is like diagnosing water with wet.
oops
You misunderstood me.
She absolutely needs to take it to the school administrators.
This is how the process worked when I was in middle school:
Bad behavior-> gets reported to school officials -> School reports it to police if they feel the need.
I am not against the police being involved either, but telling this 14 year old kid to report a potentially slanderous accusation to the police is overkill.
to Gelfin: I understand that. I stated "Just a possibility". So you are suggesting that all teenage girls have personality disorder?
I knew some level headed girls!
You misunderstood me.
She absolutely needs to take it to the school administrators.
This is how the process worked when I was in middle school:
Bad behavior-> gets reported to school officials -> School reports it to police if they feel the need.
I am not against the police being involved either, but telling this 14 year old kid to report a potentially slanderous accusation to the police is overkill.
to Gelfin: I understand that. I stated "Just a possibility". So you are suggesting that all teenage girls have personality disorder?
I knew some level headed girls!
People develop the skills for serious dating, that can lead to marriage, by first dating less seriously. Perhaps there's an age where the headaches are more trouble, and the skills are less likely to develop. But at some point, people need to date, make mistakes, have fresh starts, to then be ready to date the one they'll end up with. Otherwise your marriage will be saddled with a lot of unnecessary baggage, from making all those mistakes together.
OP please treat the advise you are being given in this thread very cautiously.
If it's your relationship you are worried about, you can only play your part as a good boyfriend, if she decides she wants another, then that's her decision. As for the other guy, he's just acting like an ass, nothing more. If she decides she likes people like him then she might not be the girl for you.
If it's your relationship you are worried about, you can only play your part as a good boyfriend, if she decides she wants another, then that's her decision. As for the other guy, he's just acting like an ass, nothing more. If she decides she likes people like him then she might not be the girl for you.
And you don't have anywhere near enough evidence to be sure that it isn't. Assuming the girl isn't lying in the OP it is sexual assault.
So you think he should dump her because of this? What if she's telling the truth and it is sexual assault?
Eraser had this originally, but edited his post. This needs to be emphasized.
That's pretty damning evidence of it being sexual assault......
What is this world getting to? I did that to my friend's GF's while they were doing it to mine. And none of us filed any sexual harassment complaints and when we left school, we were none worse.
However, it did make school a lot more aggressive.
Given 95% of women don't report rape its not a big surprise even if it wasn't just a bit of fun.
Frankly, I don't think any of us, including the OP, has enough information to make that determination. The girl in question could be really feeling harassed but be too meek to do anything about it, or she could be putting up a token resistance to a more forward approach that is completely novel to her, and perhaps not entirely unwelcome. Either is far from uncommon.
I know those years were painful for everybody, but aren't they supposed to be? I don't think we buy anything by trying to criminalize or pathologize that experience away except depriving kids of the formative experiences that will ultimately give them the foundation for mature relationships later.
If she seemed genuinely distressed or frightened of this guy, then perhaps some intervention might be in order, but that doesn't seem to be the hunch the OP is reporting. Until that point, I suggest she should be left to make her own mistakes and learn from them, especially since she's not the one asking for advice.
It seems to me you guys did that in clean fun where you knew neither of you guys meant any harm, etc. Though did you seriously try to touch her vagina?
But, in this situation from what the OP has said this person has made clear sexual movements towards the woman. And her trying to brush his actions off and not talking about it says to me she doesn't like it and is ashamed of it. That is when that sort of stuff crosses the line and becomes sexual assault.
Ok, time to say it once again... 4 things you never do on an internet forum
1. Ask for legal advice
2. Ask for medical advice
3. Ask for relationship advice
4. Ask for financial advice
Ask for advice on whether to buy matte or glossy
Whether to buy the 13" or the 15"
Whether to Bootcamp or virtualize
Whether to wait for Arrandale or buy now
Whether to use Office for Windows or iWork
Whether to buy Hitachi or Seagate or Western Digitial
Whether to get an iPhone now or wait till the summer
Whether to use Time Machine or Carbon Copy Cloner
Whether to use Photoshop or the Gimp
But for God's sake... don't ask for the big 4 on an internet forum
1. Ask for legal advice
2. Ask for medical advice
3. Ask for relationship advice
4. Ask for financial advice
Ask for advice on whether to buy matte or glossy
Whether to buy the 13" or the 15"
Whether to Bootcamp or virtualize
Whether to wait for Arrandale or buy now
Whether to use Office for Windows or iWork
Whether to buy Hitachi or Seagate or Western Digitial
Whether to get an iPhone now or wait till the summer
Whether to use Time Machine or Carbon Copy Cloner
Whether to use Photoshop or the Gimp
But for God's sake... don't ask for the big 4 on an internet forum
The teen years are a challenge. They're something to survive.
As always with these types of threads it's hard to say. We are only getting one side and it is not a complete picture.
As always with these types of threads it's hard to say. We are only getting one side and it is not a complete picture.
If in fact the GF is being harassed, then there is usually a process to follow as mentioned above.
POTD. Too funny.
Fair point guys, however at 14 who should the OP ask for help? His parents? His school? The police? All of these are bad options too
.I suppose the best option is probably ChildLine or whatever the equivalent is in the US. Or maybe the school councillor but even that could result in the same trouble as going to the school administrator.
Another fair and neutral post from you
.
Fair point guys, however at 14 who should the OP ask for help? His parents? His school? The police? All of these are bad options too
Why are the parents and the school bad options?
And just from the little we know, it is the girl who should be approaching her parents and school, not the OP
Why not her parents?however at 14 who should the OP ask for help? His parents? His school? The police? All of these are bad options too
Why not a school counsellor?
Why not a teacher who is a mentor?
And for him, why not his parents?
Anyhow, at 14 there is much to learn about the world, relationships and life.
It could be a bad move if they react badly, but the chances are you are entirely correct. And it would have probably enormously reduced my teenage drama if I'd followed your advice at the time
.I think I'm wrong on this one.
How about I chime in as a 15 year old?
1) I don't agree with dating in high school....It's all just either sluts wanting to get in a guy's pants, or the guy wanting some.
2) As good friends, I do sometimes tap a boob, or smack a butt. As friends, of course. Never would I go so far as to touch their "no no square" (as the OP calls it). And I trust my friends enough to tell me if they're uncomfortable...
3) The girl should have enough confidence to either tell the guy to stop, or if she, God forbid, enjoys it, then:
a) Break up with the OP
b) Go ask out the other guy.....or heck, just let him be a sex buddy.
4) If she doesn't enjoy it, and he actually IS going as far as lifting up her shirt, and trying to touch her vag, but doesn't have enough courage to tell him to stop, tell an adult. A teacher, parent, friend's parent, counselor, Administration.
Next, she's probably just looking for attention. IMO, mostly all high school girls are. (Or if you're 14 in middle school...)
Lastly, I definitely don't condone dating, but you're free to do whatever you want, so I'm not going to give a biased opinion and say to break up with her. No, that's a horrible reason to break up with her provided she doesn't enjoy it. If she does..then you might want to consider it.
Sorry for the long post. I tend to display my opinions a fair amount.
1) I don't agree with dating in high school....It's all just either sluts wanting to get in a guy's pants, or the guy wanting some.
2) As good friends, I do sometimes tap a boob, or smack a butt. As friends, of course. Never would I go so far as to touch their "no no square" (as the OP calls it
). And I trust my friends enough to tell me if they're uncomfortable...3) The girl should have enough confidence to either tell the guy to stop, or if she, God forbid, enjoys it, then:
a) Break up with the OP
b) Go ask out the other guy.....or heck, just let him be a sex buddy.
4) If she doesn't enjoy it, and he actually IS going as far as lifting up her shirt, and trying to touch her vag, but doesn't have enough courage to tell him to stop, tell an adult. A teacher, parent, friend's parent, counselor, Administration.
Next, she's probably just looking for attention. IMO, mostly all high school girls are. (Or if you're 14 in middle school...)
Lastly, I definitely don't condone dating, but you're free to do whatever you want, so I'm not going to give a biased opinion and say to break up with her. No, that's a horrible reason to break up with her provided she doesn't enjoy it. If she does..then you might want to consider it.
Sorry for the long post
. I tend to display my opinions a fair amount.
Sad but true.
Best advice here. Don't mess with girls until after highschool. And then throw a summer in for buffer.
Enjoy your youth my friend, Taxes, rent, etc comes way to quick.
You should go "book" him. It is not about your girl, its about your pride and not letting people run over you. Now i understand you are only 14 but your parents should have taught you these simple things by now. So go grab a baseball bat and go say hello to the sucker.
I'm just kidding man. Just go back to Call of duty.
I'm just kidding man. Just go back to Call of duty.