I caved and went to the Apple Store this morning. I'd just completely had it with the crashes every time I dared to play music in the background while simultaneously otherwise using my phone.

I couldn't get an appointment until Friday, and wasn't about to wait that long at this point. I wiped the phone, moved the SIM back to my 5, and just went in there, figuring a Monday before noon was likely to be the least aggravating time at the mall in December.
I did not mention the TLC NAND possibility as being the problem, just detailed the bootloops, crashes, and the two kernel panics. The Genius actually was the one to wonder aloud if it was the NAND, at which point I told him I was reasonably certain they'd eventually decide that was the issue.
They replaced it without any fuss. He did comment that there was no guarantee that the new phone wasn't also TLC, as in the 64 GB model it can be either. That was fine by me, since not everyone with TLC has the issue and I'm frankly curious still to see if it turns out to be linked to just one manufacturer.
But my testing days are probably over. The replacement phone has MLC. So with any luck, my crashing, bootlooping, and BSOD days are also over.
Now I just have to go rebuild the damn phone for the fourth time this month...
(New 6/64: Write--93 MB/sec, Read: 638 MB/sec)