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My girlfriend, a hotel room, and a 30 year old

leekohler said:
Jealousy is a useless emotion that does no one any good. No one owns anyone.
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So requiring your girlfriend to be faithful (where the premise of the relationship is wanting to be together in a monogamous relationship) is claiming ownership of her?

Christ. Since I want to stay with one person, that must mean that I am a jealous bastard.
 
Liquorpuki said:
I'm not gonna be wearing any panties btw.
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And that of course is exactly what the OP's girfriend said… :rolleyes:
Don't be facetious.

leekohler said:
Jealousy is a useless emotion that does no one any good. No one owns anyone.
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Well said.

Heilage said:
So requiring your girlfriend to be faithful (where the premise of the relationship is wanting to be together in a monogamous relationship) is claiming ownership of her?

Christ. Since I want to stay with one person, that must mean that I am a jealous bastard.
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For me a monogamous relationship is something agreed to by both people. Monogamy is not the default setting. Look at the amount of extra marital affairs and political scandals. People like to explore other people sexually.

Some people are very happy with the same person sexually for ever and a day. Some not. And it is the sexual side we are talking about.
You can be very much and happily in love with someone and have a fine fulfilling sexual life that is not strictly limited to the two of you.

But also, understandably, some view that as a huge betrayal and insist on amounts of "faithfulness" that ultimately lead to the destruction of what could have been a very happy relationship. And that is where jealousy and his ugly sibling assumed ownership comes in…

We all deal with it differently.
*shrug*
 
arkitect said:
And that of course is exactly what the OP's girfriend said… :rolleyes:
Don't be facetious.
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I'm not. I'm trying to show there's a difference between healthy trust and being too socially retarded to sense you might be getting played

GF: I'm gonna hang out with my ex-coworker who's been wanting to bang me since the company party, went to that party just to bang me, and got upset when he couldn't. Now he wants to hang out alone with me in his hotel room. And I know I told you I'd catch up with him in public but look how quickly I changed my mind and look at the stupid reason I used to rationalize it. We're also going to watch a game even though by the time i get there, the game will be over. And I don't want to be seen in public with him yet he's a good platonic friend
OP: This is wierd, should I be upset? :confused:
Half the posters here: OP you jealous bastard, you don't own her :mad:

Some people are very happy with the same person sexually for ever and a day. Some not. And it is the sexual side we are talking about.
You can be very much and happily in love with someone and have a fine fulfilling sexual life that is not strictly limited to the two of you.

But also, understandably, some view that as a huge betrayal and insist on amounts of "faithfulness" that ultimately lead to the destruction of what could have been a very happy relationship. And that is where jealousy and his ugly sibling assumed ownership comes in…
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And usually what constitutes betrayal and cheating is established when you start dating to set expectations and minimize people getting hurt. It's not changed after the fact to rationalize girlfriends getting themselves isolated in hotel rooms.

I think 3 years in, the OP and his gf would already know if they're in an open relationship or not
 
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Macky-Mac said:
I predict....when she dumps you, she'll say it's because you're too controlling and don't trust her
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This.

This is how women work. They cannot ever take responsibility for a break up. They have a natural ability to flip the deal and make out that the guy is the cause.

Ultimately, only the OP knows how well the two of them get on, we are only making uneducated guesses.

Hopefully the situation can be resolved but I think the lack of concern for the OP's feelings is the biggest issue.
 
richard.torble said:
This.

This is how women work. They cannot ever take responsibility for a break up. They have a natural ability to flip the deal and make out that the guy is the cause.
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This is oh so true. I have a close friend who cheated on her husband several times and was able to get her husband to apologize TO HER for making her do it. She never admitted to doing anything wrong.

Women. They're so ********** wiley.
 
just the fact you open a post about this you are:

-insecure
-you have doubts
-you relation is not 100%
-distance change relations
-places change people

-put a private detective behind her to find everything( but never tell her)
-spy her computer put some virus on it
-spy her email and messenger

after a few months you have all the answers to your questions.

i remember a story of a couple that going to married, the nights before the wedding all the mens went to party like mens do.
But the future bride hired a dream lady to put is future husband to the final test, he failed on the test and sleep with the dream lady.

On the wedding day the ex bride didnt show up and sent the dream lady in the wedding dress to the church.
i wish i had recorded does moments.
 
dnkbro said:
OP, I'm sorry to inform you but your girlfriend slept with the guy. Congrats.
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I cannot stress how much I disapprove of this. You don't know the OP, and you don't know his girlfriend, and to blurt out something like this as if you know it for sure is incredibly insensitive and rude. Did you stop to think about what your post could do to the OPs mind? The fictional doubts it might instill? I would choose my words more carefully if I were you.

I personally think it's Very unlikely she slept with the guy. I think that conversation should have never even been on the table. I never got from the story that there was any chance she slept with him.
 
Well to tell the truth, no one can tell 100% if she did or if she did not. No one knows this. But you have to admit that it's a very strange situation. For instance I know that my wife would never go to a hotel room with a friend of hers, even with a good friend of hers. Or if she did she would have never told me :D
This kind of behavior isn't normal. No sane person who loves her other half would not do stuff like that.
Somewhere in the middle of this thread I read that the girl didn't want to go to a pub or restaurant because it would look like a date.... Well ok, what do you call going with someone to a hotel room for a 1 on 1? Watching a hockey game? No way.

It's not even a matter of trusting the other half. You don't just go doing stuff like that if you're committed in a relationship. You just don't. I can understand hanging out with a friend for a coffee or a beer but a hotel room? Come on.

Dude go and do the same, let's see how she reacts... She'll probably say, it's cool with me :D Not.
 
StephenCampbell said:
I cannot stress how much I disapprove of this. You don't know the OP, and you don't know his girlfriend, and to blurt out something like this as if you know it for sure is incredibly insensitive and rude. Did you stop to think about what your post could do to the OPs mind? The fictional doubts it might instill? I would choose my words more carefully if I were you.

I personally think it's Very unlikely she slept with the guy. I think that conversation should have never even been on the table. I never got from the story that there was any chance she slept with him.
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2d8rvj9.jpg
 
samiwas said:
This is oh so true. I have a close friend who cheated on her husband several times and was able to get her husband to apologize TO HER for making her do it. She never admitted to doing anything wrong.

Women. They're so ********** wiley.
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Yeah, men never cheat and justify it with "we weren't having enough sex" or "it didn't mean anything" or whatever. :rolleyes:

StephenCampbell said:
I cannot stress how much I disapprove of this. You don't know the OP, and you don't know his girlfriend, and to blurt out something like this as if you know it for sure is incredibly insensitive and rude. Did you stop to think about what your post could do to the OPs mind? The fictional doubts it might instill? I would choose my words more carefully if I were you.

I personally think it's Very unlikely she slept with the guy. I think that conversation should have never even been on the table. I never got from the story that there was any chance she slept with him.
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I completely agree. I don't think think she slept with the guy, I just think she is very naive. That being said I do think she absolutely shouldn't have gone because that's a dangerous position for her to put herself in. Plus the OP was obviously worried about her since the guy doesn't seem trustworthy.
 
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i don't think she slept with the 30yo or she would have lied and said something like "oh, we sat around in the lobby and chatted.....never even went to his room" :p
 
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Women are more unsettled when they perceive a discretion has occurred in relation to their partner's emotional fidelity.

Men are more unsettled when they perceive a discretion has occurred in relation to their partner's sexual fidelity.

All this is based on sexually divergent motives between the genders in regard to relationships that have been developed via evolution.

Women want emotional fidelity so that the man stays around to provide resources to help raise children.

Men want sexual fidelity so that they are sure that the children that they are investing in are their children.

She most likely did this because one of her friends saw you flirting with another woman (act of emotional infidelity) when she was away at school.

Being that men do not value emotional fidelity as much, you most likely do not remember the incident in which you flirted with this other woman.

But she was hurt by the rumors so she felt compelled to reciprocate the emotional injury by making you suspect that she is putting herself in situation where sexual infidelity may occur.

Each gender somewhat implicitly understands what types of infidelity more affects the other gender but neither really understands the extent to which each type of perceived infidelity causes emotional distress.

Because you are both young and she did not want to admit that she was hurt by the rumors, she did not initiate a conversation about her feelings and opted to reciprocate emotional injury.

Before you also over react, I suggest you productively initiate a conversation about why she decided to act in a manner that seems to be designed to make you feel insecure.

BTW, I am 30 yrs old and also use "Dave" as my pseudonym. ;)
 
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Dump her. I've been in a similar situation before, and when it comes to an abrupt stop, you will feel hurt, real bad.

Same thing happened to me, but replace hotel with karaoke night, and your girlfriend with some other guy having a great time. You sneak up on then to find them making out.
 
Take everything you just posted and tell it to her/send it to her.

Actually,you should give it to her verbatim, since I get the impression you are unlikely to directly confront her about this otherwise.
 
munkery said:
Women are more unsettled when they perceive a discretion has occurred in relation to their partner's emotional fidelity.

Men are more unsettled when they perceive a discretion has occurred in relation to their partner's sexual fidelity.

All this is based on sexually divergent motives between the genders in regard to relationships that have been developed via evolution.

Women want emotional fidelity so that the man stays around to provide resources to help raise children.

Men want sexual fidelity so that they are sure that the children that they are investing in are their children.

She most likely did this because one of her friends saw you flirting with another woman (act of emotional infidelity) when she was away at school.

Being that men do not value emotional fidelity as much, you most likely do not remember the incident in which you flirted with this other woman.

But she was hurt by the rumors so she felt compelled to reciprocate the emotional injury by making you suspect that she is putting herself in situation where sexual infidelity may occur.

Each gender somewhat implicitly understands what types of infidelity more affects the other gender but neither really understands the extent to which each type of perceived infidelity causes emotional distress.

Because you are both young and she did not want to admit that she was hurt by the rumors, she did not initiate a conversation about her feelings and opted to reciprocate emotional injury.

Before you also over react, I suggest you productively initiate a conversation about why she decided to act in a manner that seems to be designed to make you feel insecure.

BTW, I am 30 yrs old and also use "Dave" as my pseudonym. ;)
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:confused::confused::confused:
And there's exactly how much evidence in the OP to support this? Besides, our lives aren't ruled entirely by biology...
 
Break up with her and join the military. It's apparent you need to develop a bit more discipline and assertiveness in your life. The moment you learned she had decided to go to his room was the moment you should have realized she was not the woman for you.

If things between you were so "great", then she would never have considered doing this ... especially after you'd shared your concerns. There needs to be more maturity in your relationships. Sex is great, but a RELATIONSHIP requires some work; work she was unwilling to do.

Good luck.
 
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