How do you backup and restore your note 2? You rebought all of your apps for android? What are you using instead of Photostream, iWork, iCloud, Garageband, iPhoto, Find my phone, Find my Friends, etc. etc.
Sorry, but you're not fooling anyone.
I'm not the OP but...
Photostream
Photos are synced to your Google account as part of Google + (note that photos are still private unless you share them). Also see the Google Drive section below.
iWork
Google docs works, and syncs to your Google drive
Garageband
Um, not a core app, and really not something people use on the whole. If garageband is going to be in the list you may as well start adding any old app to the list.
iCloud
Google Drive - if anything its better than iCloud by a mile. More storage, you can add any type of file to it, you can share files, sync to your Mac/Pc/Android/iPhone/etc.
iPhoto
Same situation as with Garageband (not included in the phone and its a premium addon), that being said, there are a number of photo editing apps for both iOS and Android.
Find my phone
Avast Mobile Security. A free app that lets you track your phone and remotely lock it. It also includes the option to remotely control the phone via the web and sms. You can also wipe the phone memory, lock it, and turn on a 'siren' that cant be disabled without pulling the battery.
Find my friends
Google Latitude - does exactly the same thing and was out long before Find My Friends existed.
So there we go. Your complete 'shut up and stop being so silly' list of Android equivalents.
Oh and before you start moaning at me with Android fanboy comments....I use an iPhone 5.