So one of Legere's called me. Apparently there is nothing they can do except give us a decent amount of credit towards our phone bill, and inform me that everyone is getting overnight expedited shipping- that includes Saturday & Sunday.
But it could take 1-6 weeks she said.
Awesome :/
Thanks for the bad news. Next time I'm not getting the 'entry' model plus. I almost would rather re-order in an Apple Store and get the 64GB+ if they can do EIP. At least I'd have a date then.