Think she moved on, feel awful

[bunnspecial]

Sorry to say this, but this sounds like typical abusive behavior. Even though she's(presumably) not being physically abusive, she is being emotionally manipulative/abusive.

Unfortunately too, you're feeding right into the cycle that she's creating-you threaten to leave, everything is great again, and then it returns to as it was before. It sounds too like she's using sex and promises of things being better to lure you back in.

For your own sake, get this girl out of your life yesterday! This is why-a couple of pages ago I think-I advised breaking off all contact with her.

 

[Hieveryone]

Sorry to say this, but this sounds like typical abusive behavior. Even though she's(presumably) not being physically abusive, she is being emotionally manipulative/abusive.

Unfortunately too, you're feeding right into the cycle that she's creating-you threaten to leave, everything is great again, and then it returns to as it was before. It sounds too like she's using sex and promises of things being better to lure you back in.

For your own sake, get this girl out of your life yesterday! This is why-a couple of pages ago I think-I advised breaking off all contact with her.

It’s really hard but i do have that date with that other girl who lives 2 hours away this weekend again.

I HAVE to go. I need to meet a new girl that will make leaving easier.

 

[Clix Pix]

Of course we are only hearing the OP's side of things....the girl might have her own valid reasons for doing what she does or does not do in this relationship.

As for the meds situation, usually people with anxiety have it around many situations in their lives, not just one or two, so there is that to consider, too, with regard to the OP...... People with whom he is dealing in real life are likely going to have a much different perspective overall regarding him and his behavior, including his interactions and performance in the workplace as well as his interactions on the social scene, both in-person and via social media. Actually much of that is something that we can only guess at, given that we're just seeing what he tells us on here.

 

[44267547]

Ok, it’s not my intent to try to thwart any of the discussion involved with OP’s love life or derail others perceptions, however; quite a few members have asked how old he is in regards to his relationship status, So I did some research from past thread histories of his (Yes, I had time some extra time, plus I’ve got quite the detective/investigator L.E. background ), he claims in one thread that he was ‘27’ in 2014, which would put him about 32/33 _if_ he’s being truthful as of today.

Thread where he mentions age:

https://forums.macrumors.com/threads/do-rich-men-have-a-harder-time-finding-a-wife.1748930/page-2

*****************************
That said, what I suspect in regards to the OP and his relationship status, he’s actually twice the age of 27 (Realistically I suspect he’s over 50), now, what leads me to believe that? In some threads, he seems to have some really extensive knowledge on the stock market/politics long before some of the recent elections, basically I think his knowledge exceeds what a 32 year old male would have at his age, but again, those are just my initial thoughts/personal observations

Anyways, what I suspect, is that the OP might be ashamed to admit his real age and his interest in younger women is what he prefers (Which is his prerogative), therefore he wants to portray himself on the Internet being a ‘younger version’ of what he used to be by typing a certain way to mask the concept that he isn’t old-er. Plus, portraying himself as a younger male on the Internet allows for others to give him more ‘practical’ advice versus slandering him because of his real age/interest in younger women. I do believe that he may have some wealth accrued, but I don’t believe that he’s 32 today, when he’s probably well over 50.

But I certainly hope the OP finds whatever he’s looking for in terms of a female counterpart, regardless of his financial situation, it’s evident that can’t fulfill deeper issues he may/or may not be battling inwardly.

 

[Hieveryone]

Of course we are only hearing the OP's side of things....the girl might have her own valid reasons for doing what she does or does not do in this relationship.

As for the meds situation, usually people with anxiety have it around many situations in their lives, not just one or two, so there is that to consider, too, with regard to the OP...... People with whom he is dealing in real life are likely going to have a much different perspective overall regarding him and his behavior, including his interactions and performance in the workplace as well as his interactions on the social scene, both in-person and via social media. Actually much of that is something that we can only guess at, given that we're just seeing what he tells us on here.

Every one has their own perspective and usually it's always somewhere in between.

My perspective is my own, naturally it'll be slanted from my experience and how I see and interpret things.

Hers will be hers.

If I'm being truthful, it will probably be somewhere in between.

Regarding the meds, my doctor called and said not take take something daily and instead switched me to something else to take as needed. I googled it but it says it's for blood pressure which makes no sense because I've never had high blood pressure and I don't want to take something so serious when I'm healthy at a young age.
[automerge]1574813432[/automerge]
At this point, I'm listening to @bunnspecial and while I'm not going to stop seeing this girl, I will do 100% see another girl(s) and then decide what I want to do.

I do have that date with the other girl who lives 2 hours away this weekend, and I'm going 100%.

I don't want to date 2 girls. I am looking for 1 girl bc I want to get married at least once in my life just for the experience with someone I'm truly attracted to and like and if that means it won't last that's fine but I feel like everyone should get married once just to know what it's like.

I would rather marry someone I like and it being the "wrong" person and then divorce then marry the "right" person but only be half into the relationship. I like girls who I find really attractive and someone who is as lively and "crazy" as me. I can't date anyone who's "normal" nor would anyone "normal" like me.

In fact "normal" girls would probably stay away from me like the plague.

I've dated a lot but the average age of marriage for men is 29 and I'm still within range but don't want to wait till my late 30s or worse to find someone.

So that being said, I need to diversify and the only way to do that is meet others.

So I can meet others and see where it goes while holding on to what I have now.

 

[Clix Pix]

OP: One side of the coin which you seem to be missing/ignoring when it comes to thinking about all of this is.....you know or think you know what YOU want in a mate, but how about the other person? What does she seek in a mate? What about you do you think will make her more attracted to you than to some other guy? Why?

Frankly, from my observation of your various posts in this thread and in other threads, t's sad how in what you write here on MR you don't seem to realize just how shallow you sound..... Are you really that way in person?

 

[throAU]

Of course we are only hearing the OP's side of things....the girl might have her own valid reasons for doing what she does or does not do in this relationship.

Of course, but this is all we have to go on.

I'd say from my evaluation of this thread both parties are at fault (OP seems to be looking for the wrong things, dating multiple girls at a time, and yet doesn't like any contact between one girl and her ex on social media. Hypocrite much? Top tip, a lot of people still talk to their ex. unless you really suck at choosing people, not all relationships end in war - sometimes they just don't work as anything beyond friends).

However who's to blame in the OP's relationship woes doesn't matter so much as the end result being toxic.

Get out!

If you're with someone who's right for you, you won't be having these issues. You'll want to do right by them and vice versa.
[automerge]1574817328[/automerge]

I HAVE to go. I need to meet a new girl that will make leaving easier.

No. Don't use women as a crutch for your emotional frailty. That won't help and it is unfair on the poor girl you rebound to.

I think you need to be single for a bit, rather than desperately clinging to whatever girl will see you despite whatever abuse they throw at you.

Learn to live with yourself, get mentally OK, and then start seeing somebody when you're in a better emotional state.

 

[throAU]

I am looking for 1 girl bc I want to get married at least once in my life just for the experience with someone I'm truly attracted to and like and if that means it won't last that's fine but I feel like everyone should get married once just to know what it's like.

Do not get married or go seeking a relationship for this reason.

Get married when it feels right, not to tick something off a damn list.

I've dated a lot but the average age of marriage for men is 29 and I'm still within range but don't want to wait till my late 30s or worse to find someone.

Who cares? Do you aspire to be Mr Average? Almost 1/2 of all US marriages end in divorce, and a lot more of them SHOULD be divorced, but religious beliefs forbid it. Is that what you want?

If you don't want to be still looking into your late 30s (and maybe fate will conspire to make that a thing anyway, so what?) - then stop screwing around with the wrong people, despite so many red flags, have some balls and actually break it off.

Not because you have somebody else lined up. Because it's a bad situation that you should be ending.

Stop treating "a long term relationship" or marriage like a checklist item you need to tick off.

You're far more likely to find somebody by going out and doing things you like to do, and finding somebody in that situation rather than "hitting the club to pick up". I.e., stop looking so hard, go do life things.

 

[Hieveryone]

OP: One side of the coin which you seem to be missing/ignoring when it comes to thinking about all of this is.....you know or think you know what YOU want in a mate, but how about the other person? What does she seek in a mate? What about you do you think will make her more attracted to you than to some other guy? Why?

Frankly, from my observation of your various posts in this thread and in other threads, t's sad how in what you write here on MR you don't seem to realize just how shallow you sound..... Are you really that way in person?

I generally go for what most men would consider “bombshells” that’s generally my type. Of course we have to be able to talk and get a long I mean most of time won’t be in the bedroom so that’s important too. But if she’s not, to my eyes and in my opinion, attractive to me than it’s not going to work

I make it clear to the women I date what my type is, no need to pretend or be fake and it’s worked well

What I like to do is be flashy, make a name for myself, look my best, dress well, take care of my friends, gifts, fancy dinners, upscale hotels, expensive wines, the works, and a lot of people like a guy like that and are attracted to the lifestyle.

I just believe you’ve gotta be yourself and be honest about who you are to the people around you so then everyone’s in clear bc you’ve gotta be yourself eventually anyway
[automerge]1574824737[/automerge]

Of course, but this is all we have to go on.

I'd say from my evaluation of this thread both parties are at fault (OP seems to be looking for the wrong things, dating multiple girls at a time, and yet doesn't like any contact between one girl and her ex on social media. Hypocrite much? Top tip, a lot of people still talk to their ex. unless you really suck at choosing people, not all relationships end in war - sometimes they just don't work as anything beyond friends).

However who's to blame in the OP's relationship woes doesn't matter so much as the end result being toxic.

Get out!

If you're with someone who's right for you, you won't be having these issues. You'll want to do right by them and vice versa.
[automerge]1574817328[/automerge]


No. Don't use women as a crutch for your emotional frailty. That won't help and it is unfair on the poor girl you rebound to.

I think you need to be single for a bit, rather than desperately clinging to whatever girl will see you despite whatever abuse they throw at you.

Learn to live with yourself, get mentally OK, and then start seeing somebody when you're in a better emotional state.

Being single would feel like torture right now. It would just make me feel like I need her more and miss her more.

I feel like if I found someone else first then it would it easier
[automerge]1574825022[/automerge]

Do not get married or go seeking a relationship for this reason.

Get married when it feels right, not to tick something off a damn list.



Who cares? Do you aspire to be Mr Average? Almost 1/2 of all US marriages end in divorce, and a lot more of them SHOULD be divorced, but religious beliefs forbid it. Is that what you want?

If you don't want to be still looking into your late 30s (and maybe fate will conspire to make that a thing anyway, so what?) - then stop screwing around with the wrong people, despite so many red flags, have some balls and actually break it off.

Not because you have somebody else lined up. Because it's a bad situation that you should be ending.

Stop treating "a long term relationship" or marriage like a checklist item you need to tick off.

You're far more likely to find somebody by going out and doing things you like to do, and finding somebody in that situation rather than "hitting the club to pick up". I.e., stop looking so hard, go do life things.

I mean that’s great and all in an ideal society but I don’t have the luxury to just wait around hoping to meet the perfect one.

I’m just past the average age of marriage and if I don’t take action now I’ll end up marrying way later than I want.

If I get divorced fine, but I have to first get married to even get there so let me try and do that first.

I don’t want to miss out on a life experience like this.

 

[throAU]

Being single would feel like torture right now. It would just make me feel like I need her more and miss her more.

I feel like if I found someone else first then it would it easier

So who cares about the other people you just get with because you don't want to be alone, right?

Grow up, be a man, fix your situation.

no need to pretend or be fake and it’s worked well

Well... as evidenced by this thread, i dispute that assertion...

 

[Clix Pix]

Hieveryone wrote:

"I generally go for what most men would consider “bombshells” that’s generally my type. Of course we have to be able to talk and get a long I mean most of time won’t be in the bedroom so that’s important too. But if she’s not, to my eyes and in my opinion, attractive to me than it’s not going to work

I make it clear to the women I date what my type is, no need to pretend or be fake and it’s worked well

What I like to do is be flashy, make a name for myself, look my best, dress well, take care of my friends, gifts, fancy dinners, upscale hotels, expensive wines, the works, and a lot of people like a guy like that and are attracted to the lifestyle.

I just believe you’ve gotta be yourself and be honest about who you are to the people around you so then everyone’s in clear bc you’ve gotta be yourself eventually anyway"

===================================================

I just threw up in my mouth a little....

Maybe some day you'll be able to come to grips with the real world instead of this fantasy one you seem to want to inhabit. if what you described is really, truly your idea of "being yourself," I really feel sorry for you. Your "value system", such as it apparently is, sure seems to be really out of whack and out of touch with the real world and how most people actually live.

 

[throAU]

If I get divorced fine, but I have to first get married to even get there so let me try and do that first.

I mean that’s great and all in an ideal society but I don’t have the luxury to just wait around hoping to meet the perfect one.

Why not? Because of some arbitrary statistic that includes a huge number of marriages that are doomed to fail? Is this some measuring contest at work or something?

Just go to Vegas, do the marry-some-bimbo thing, and get it out of your system then.

You won't get "the experience" without finding a genuine match (and you can't put a time-frame on that - "you'll do, i'm 32 yo old" is just... an abysmal way to approach it), but sure, you'll get the certificate and damaged-goods reputation that being a divorcee comes with; that truly seems to be all you care about.

 

[retta283]

I generally go for what most men would consider “bombshells” that’s generally my type. Of course we have to be able to talk and get a long I mean most of time won’t be in the bedroom so that’s important too. But if she’s not, to my eyes and in my opinion, attractive to me than it’s not going to work

I make it clear to the women I date what my type is, no need to pretend or be fake and it’s worked well

What I like to do is be flashy, make a name for myself, look my best, dress well, take care of my friends, gifts, fancy dinners, upscale hotels, expensive wines, the works, and a lot of people like a guy like that and are attracted to the lifestyle.

I just believe you’ve gotta be yourself and be honest about who you are to the people around you so then everyone’s in clear bc you’ve gotta be yourself eventually anyway
[automerge]1574824737[/automerge]


Being single would feel like torture right now. It would just make me feel like I need her more and miss her more.

I feel like if I found someone else first then it would it easier
[automerge]1574825022[/automerge]


I mean that’s great and all in an ideal society but I don’t have the luxury to just wait around hoping to meet the perfect one.

I’m just past the average age of marriage and if I don’t take action now I’ll end up marrying way later than I want.

If I get divorced fine, but I have to first get married to even get there so let me try and do that first.

I don’t want to miss out on a life experience like this.

Marriage with somebody you don't actually connect with is nothing more than a piece of paper given to you by the state. You will gain nothing from it unless you marry somebody you actually can connect with.

You have to learn to live on your own before you can deal with relationships. If you can't handle being single, then take the time to find yourself. You're only setting yourself up for disaster on your current path.

 

[ItsNotaTumor]

I would rather marry someone I like and it being the "wrong" person and then divorce then marry the "right" person but only be half into the relationship. I like girls who I find really attractive and someone who is as lively and "crazy" as me. I can't date anyone who's "normal" nor would anyone "normal" like me.

In fact "normal" girls would probably stay away from me like the plague.

as a woman, this entire thread horrifies me. please don't go into every potential relationship planning out your entire life based on any person when you're starting out. people change, desires change, take things as they come.

 

[Hieveryone]

Hieveryone wrote:

"I generally go for what most men would consider “bombshells” that’s generally my type. Of course we have to be able to talk and get a long I mean most of time won’t be in the bedroom so that’s important too. But if she’s not, to my eyes and in my opinion, attractive to me than it’s not going to work

I make it clear to the women I date what my type is, no need to pretend or be fake and it’s worked well

What I like to do is be flashy, make a name for myself, look my best, dress well, take care of my friends, gifts, fancy dinners, upscale hotels, expensive wines, the works, and a lot of people like a guy like that and are attracted to the lifestyle.

I just believe you’ve gotta be yourself and be honest about who you are to the people around you so then everyone’s in clear bc you’ve gotta be yourself eventually anyway"

===================================================

I just threw up in my mouth a little....

Maybe some day you'll be able to come to grips with the real world instead of this fantasy one you seem to want to inhabit. if what you described is really, truly your idea of "being yourself," I really feel sorry for you. Your "value system", such as it apparently is, sure seems to be really out of whack and out of touch with the real world and how most people actually live.

how do you define the real world?

average house, average job, average schools for kids, average looking spouse, average car, average life?

nothing wrong with average but if you’re ambitious then go for great house, great career, great everything!
[automerge]1574881170[/automerge]

Marriage with somebody you don't actually connect with is nothing more than a piece of paper given to you by the state. You will gain nothing from it unless you marry somebody you actually can connect with.

You have to learn to live on your own before you can deal with relationships. If you can't handle being single, then take the time to find yourself. You're only setting yourself up for disaster on your current path.

what would this so called disaster be?

Let’s say I get married to my type. I have a prenup in place.

we argue and don’t get a long and X amount of time later we divorce.

And then I find someone else right?

The above scenario is not a disaster IMO.

You don’t have to play it safe bc you’re afraid of failure sometimes it worth rolling the dice

 

[retta283]

how do you define the real world?

average house, average job, average schools for kids, average looking spouse, average car, average life?

nothing wrong with average but if you’re ambitious then go for great house, great career, great everything!
[automerge]1574881170[/automerge]


what would this so called disaster be?

Let’s say I get married to my type. I have a prenup in place.

we argue and don’t get a long and X amount of time later we divorce.

And then I find someone else right?

The above scenario is not a disaster IMO.

You don’t have to play it safe bc you’re afraid of failure sometimes it worth rolling the dice

You have completely misunderstood my message. I was not even talking specifically about marriage in the second line. Nor did I ever say that you should play it safe.

I was referring to this line
"Being single would feel like torture right now. It would just make me feel like I need her more and miss her more. I feel like if I found someone else first then it would it easier" (not done using MR quoting due to issues)

If you really need to have a woman at all times in order to cope, you will break extremely easily when that is no longer the case. If you cannot sustain your life and get over a relationship on your own, you have emotional issues that you must address. You need to be in total control of yourself before you can consider serious relationships. Otherwise you will just end up in this mindless cycle that you seem to be falling into.

 

[HeadphoneAddict]

Gentlemen, I’m starting the believe that we’re being trolled by an expert.

 

[retta283]

Gentlemen, I’m starting the believe that we’re being trolled by an expert.

I would say the same, at this juncture. I forget who called it first, but it is really looking that way now. Not only is the OP supposedly in a cycle with this woman, but we are in a cycle with him.

 

[Hieveryone]

I'm starting to have cold feet about seeing this new girl this weekend.

I don't want to cheat on this girl.

We already decided to be monogamous this week and for the first time, it's actually been said not just assumed.

I have a guilty conscience about these things...

But at the same time if things hit the fan again with her, I'll regret not going because how many times can I cancel on the same girl? Definitely not again and expect her to agree to meeting me for a 3rd time.

 

[44267547]

Gentlemen, I’m starting the believe that we’re being trolled by an expert.

Expert? No. (Others have easily poked right through this thread) Trolled? Maybe to a degree, but I sense this person really may have relationship issues/dysfunctions. However, I don’t believe for a second this a ‘younger’ male, this is someone much older than what they’re portraying based on this thread, it’s a bit of an illusion. However, There’s no doubt in my mind this person is at least the age of 50 or older. (I’m familiarized and have ‘done my homework’ per se.)

[OP: Respectfully, I’m not picking on you or singling you out, and nor am I saying this person is being dishonest, but there’s no way this individual is a young male by any means. Try like...at least 50+ in age.]

 

[avz]

Expert? No.
[OP: Respectfully, I’m not picking on you or singling you out, and nor am I saying this person is being dishonest, but there’s no way this individual is a young male by any means. Try like...at least 50+ in age.]

This is just makes it even more depressing. And you are right, you don't have to be an expert as this topic will always be popular and attract some sort of interest.
Only 5-10% of all the men are really getting anything they want from women and more, the remaining 90% have to "step up", "take responsibility", "make a lot of money", "have a guilty conscience about these things" blah, blah, blah and even then they don't really get rewarded in the end.
People will always be crying out: Why??? So we really not talking about the OP as such.

 

[Hieveryone]

This is just makes it even more depressing. And you are right, you don't have to be an expert as this topic will always be popular and attract some sort of interest.
Only 5-10% of all the men are really getting anything they want from women and more, the remaining 90% have to "step up", "take responsibility", "make a lot of money", "have a guilty conscience about these things" blah, blah, blah and even then they don't really get rewarded in the end.
People will always be crying out: Why??? So we really not talking about the OP as such.

I bet those 5-10 percent of men are getting what they want but they're not from the type of women that I would want to date/marry anyway...

Just a guess

P.S. And no I'm not old lol smh

 

[avz]

I bet those 5-10 percent of men are getting what they want but they're not from the type of women that I would want to date/marry anyway...

Just a guess

P.S. And no I'm not old lol smh

I am sure you really want to believe it.

Let's just say that you really don't know what kind of guy "had your gorgeous girlfriend/wife in his cab" before you.

 

[Hieveryone]

I am sure you really want to believe it.

Let's just say that you really don't know what kind of guy "had your gorgeous girlfriend/wife in his cab" before you.

Well clearly it didn’t work out so they didn’t really have her for long

 

[avz]

Well clearly it didn’t work out so they didn’t really have her for long

You are judging them from your "needy" perspective. This is your fundamental weakness and the reason you are in this mess to begin with. Keep in mind that at the very least 30% of guys raising kids who are biologically not theirs, without even knowing it. So keep your DNA test kits on standby. And only then you can be sure that "it did not work out for those guys".