Think she moved on, feel awful

[throAU]

Which guy wouldn’t like that?

Generally don't like blondes. Stereotype but a lot of them are airheads. Maybe because they often get overly favourable treatment by guys focused on looks. Not all of them. A friend of mine is blonde and doing her Phd in toxicology.

Pretty happy with my 30 yo, 115lb brunette who likes to cook (both for me, and because its a hobby of hers she enjoys), doesn't want kids and doesn't care about getting married.

We anticipate each other's thoughts (to the degree of sometimes buying the exact same bottle of wine on the way home if its been a rough day for either of us - on the same day, without prior discussion for example) and think similarly enough to anticipate each other's needs and help out. We have had one minor argument in 2 years.

But hey i should be worried she's not interested

 

[Hieveryone]

Generally don't like blondes. Stereotype but a lot of them are airheads. Maybe because they often get overly favourable treatment by guys focused on looks. Not all of them. A friend of mine is blonde and doing her Phd in toxicology.

Pretty happy with my 30 yo, 115lb brunette who likes to cook (both for me, and because its a hobby of hers she enjoys), doesn't want kids and doesn't care about getting married.

We anticipate each other's thoughts (to the degree of sometimes buying the exact same bottle of wine on the way home if its been a rough day for either of us - on the same day, without prior discussion for example) and think similarly enough to anticipate each other's needs and help out. We have had one minor argument in 2 years.

But hey i should be worried she's not interested

I’m not into brunettes or 30 year olds

BUT

I DO wish I could find a hot blond in her early 20s who cooks haha!

If she’s making you good food, you’re a lucky guy!

 

[throAU]

I'm 42, i'm not into 20 year olds

 

[avz]

Generally don't like blondes. Stereotype but a lot of them are airheads. Maybe because they often get overly favourable treatment by guys focused on looks. Not all of them. A friend of mine is blonde and doing her Phd in toxicology.

Pretty happy with my 30 yo, 115lb brunette who likes to cook (both for me, and because its a hobby of hers she enjoys), doesn't want kids and doesn't care about getting married.

We anticipate each other's thoughts (to the degree of sometimes buying the exact same bottle of wine on the way home if its been a rough day for either of us - on the same day, without prior discussion for example) and think similarly enough to anticipate each other's needs and help out. We have had one minor argument in 2 years.

But hey i should be worried she's not interested

This is actually very interesting. Would not it bother you though if your child-free girlfriend eventually moves on and have kids with the other guy? After all women are allowed to be child-free with some guys and all about kids with the other guys.

 

[TopherMan12]

This thread makes me glad, happy, proud I've been married for 25 years and counting.

 

[Hieveryone]

This thread makes me glad, happy, proud I've been married for 25 years and counting.

Well the girl I’m dating isn’t even 25 and I’m not too much older than 25 so when I’m old maybe I’ll have the opportunity to say the same
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I'm 42, i'm not into 20 year olds

thats fair enough. Plus30 year olds have their benefits. Much less drama would be my guess

 

[retta283]

Maybe I should make up a fake girlfriend.

I'm dating a 21 year old that cannot age but she never lets me leave the house. So now I cannot go to work, and I am not making money. But that's okay, because I have a beautiful early 20s girlfriend 'prancing' around my mansion that I have multiple mortgages on.

 

[TopherMan12]

Well the girl I’m dating isn’t even 25 and I’m not too much older than 25 so when I’m old maybe I’ll have the opportunity to say the same

Hope you do, but in terms of getting started on a lifelong relationship......you are the old one here. lol.....good luck.
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I will stop with everyone else.
I encourage everyone else to do the same. We can't gain anything from this.

Maybe I should make up a fake girlfriend.
...

Seriously......do you need everyone else to stop posting before you do? If you want to stop....just stop.

 

[retta283]

Hope you do, but in terms of getting started on a lifelong relationship......you are the old one here. lol.....good luck.
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Seriously......do you need everyone else to stop posting before you do? If you want to stop....just stop.

Simply poking fun at the subject with that last message. I'm not waiting for everyone else because I can see some don't get that this is a joke thread made for attention, and so they won't stop. I still would recommend to follow my course, but this probably won't die unless it gets Wastelanded.

 

[TopherMan12]

Simply poking fun at the subject with that last message. I'm not waiting for everyone else because I can see some don't get that this is a joke thread made for attention, and so they won't stop. I still would recommend to follow my course, but this probably won't die unless it gets Wastelanded.

Your "course" is to keep posting, it would seem. A challenge then. Stop posting. Now.


Edit: I will do the same.

 

[avz]

Simply poking fun at the subject with that last message. I'm not waiting for everyone else because I can see some don't get that this is a joke thread made for attention, and so they won't stop. I still would recommend to follow my course, but this probably won't die unless it gets Wastelanded.

You seem to be missing the point that regardless of the purpose of this particular topic, relationships are indeed very complicated and that's what people really respond to and discuss.

Clearly, having money is not enough, smiling and respecting everybody is not enough, being able to say "no" is not enough and so on an on.

 

[Hieveryone]

Hope you do, but in terms of getting started on a lifelong relationship......you are the old one here. lol.....good luck.
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Seriously......do you need everyone else to stop posting before you do? If you want to stop....just stop.

What do you mean I am the old one?

I’m still pretty young relatively speaking albeit older than the girl I’m dating.
—-
I should also say thank you to everyone who has helped me.

The outcome of your advice, in part, has been a big improvement in my relationship with this girl.

To be specific,

At first we were arguing a lot. It was a crazy mess.

Then she stopped arguing. She just refused to argue even when I would be upset.

Then I thought to myself, thanks to y’alls posts, maybe I’m being needy, demanding, unreasonable, narcissistic, and so on.

And then thought, if she doesn’t want to argue, then I should be better too.

And since then I’ve tried very hard to keep a cool mind. Not to let paranoid thoughts infect my brain.Not to worry. Not to see things with a suspicious mind. Just go with the flow, within reason, to the best of my ability.I should aim for peace, not drama.

And since then things have been good and stayed good, at least so far. But there really has been a change.

I just hope it stays good but I am optimistic that it will
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You seem to be missing the point that regardless of the purpose of this particular topic, relationships are indeed very complicated and that's what people really respond to and discuss.

Clearly, having money is not enough, smiling and respecting everybody is not enough, being able to say "no" is not enough and so on an on.

Well no but that’s why you have to navigate.

Money gives you the opportunity just as good looks and fame would too.

But navigating a relationship takes time and effort and PATIENCE lol

Edit: I also think a healthy space is helpful. If you’re constantly talking arguments more likely to arise. Sometimes it’s good to focus on work, friends, and other things. Not just each other all the time.

 

[Hieveryone]

Generally don't like blondes. Stereotype but a lot of them are airheads. Maybe because they often get overly favourable treatment by guys focused on looks. Not all of them. A friend of mine is blonde and doing her Phd in toxicology.

Pretty happy with my 30 yo, 115lb brunette who likes to cook (both for me, and because its a hobby of hers she enjoys), doesn't want kids and doesn't care about getting married.

We anticipate each other's thoughts (to the degree of sometimes buying the exact same bottle of wine on the way home if its been a rough day for either of us - on the same day, without prior discussion for example) and think similarly enough to anticipate each other's needs and help out. We have had one minor argument in 2 years.

But hey i should be worried she's not interested

I agree that if you’re 42 and she’s 30 then you prob don’t have much to worry about

The reason why is because at that age girls know what they want.

Like a 30 year isn’t going to accidentally be with someone for a few years lol

I guess I was just speaking from my perspective. It’s much different with 20 year olds.

 

[throAU]

This is actually very interesting. Would not it bother you though if your child-free girlfriend eventually moves on and have kids with the other guy? After all women are allowed to be child-free with some guys and all about kids with the other guys.

She's never wanted kids, she doesn't like kids, etc. We spoke about kids in a round-about way before we were officially seeing each other, 3 years ago (in a conversation with others). Her sister is trying for kids an she's glad that grandkids aren't a thing her mother is expecting from her in any way.

If she wants kids, i'd raise kids with her. If things don't work out and she has kids with someone else, i'll be upset that things didn't work out, not that she's having kids with someone else.
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thats fair enough. Plus30 year olds have their benefits. Much less drama would be my guess

They're much more confident in what they want, what they will tolerate, and what real life entails.
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Like a 30 year isn’t going to accidentally be with someone for a few years lol

We met when she was 25 (i.e., we've known each other and seen each other for 5 years at this point), however we were both in other relationships at the time, but there's been some sort of chemistry there since day one (for those wondering if someone is interested - it's all in the eyes, constantly caught each other's eyes from day 1).

Took a couple of years to get started due to both previous relationships ending.

 

[avz]

She's never wanted kids, she doesn't like kids, etc. We spoke about kids in a round-about way before we were officially seeing each other, 3 years ago (in a conversation with others). Her sister is trying for kids an she's glad that grandkids aren't a thing her mother is expecting from her in any way.

If she wants kids, i'd raise kids with her. If things don't work out and she has kids with someone else, i'll be upset that things didn't work out, not that she's having kids with someone else.

In a context of a conversation it was not about having kids as such, it was about strong incoming interest from a woman. When woman wants to have kids with you(even if she thinks you are going to be a bad father), when woman takes up your religion etc. are all indications of a strong incoming interest which is impossible to beat.

So in your particular situation, you did not even mention what YOU really want. You just said that you would go along with anything that SHE wants. It is, of course, totally up to you if you should be worried about this.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

I’m not into brunettes or 30 year olds

Because 30 year olds tend to know their minds, and will call out horse manure and animal faeces and bat droppings from you for what they are.

Moreover, while someone of the age you claim to be seeks out 20 year olds, it is not just validation (to themselves and from other males) and youth, that they are seeking; rather, they are also seeking an imbalance of power in the relationship, because young people, who have not fully grown into themselves, tend to be a lot less assertive.

BUT

I DO wish I could find a hot blond in her early 20s who cooks haha!

If she’s making you good food, you’re a lucky guy!

Perfect 10s, size zeros, hot blond prancing women, do not eat much and - most certainly - do not cook, and have little interest in food, apart from choosing not to eat.

Again, you are asking for the impossible.

More delusional dreams.

In a context of a conversation it was not about having kids as such, it was about strong incoming interest from a woman. When woman wants to have kids with you(even if she thinks you are going to be a bad father), when woman takes up your religion etc. are all indications of a strong incoming interest which is impossible to beat.

So in your particular situation, you did not even mention what YOU really want. You just said that you would go along with anything that SHE wants. It is, of course, totally up to you if you should be worried about this.

These days, with access to education, a degree of economic autonomy, and the availability of safe, affordable birth control, nowadays, unlike for most of recorded history, when a woman enters a relationship, kids need not automatically follow. For the first time ever, women have a choice in these matters, and are choosing to exercise it.

 

[avz]

These days, with access to education, a degree of economic autonomy, and the availability of safe, affordable birth control, nowadays, unlike for most of recorded history, when a woman enters a relationship, kids need not automatically follow. For the first time ever, women have a choice in these matters, and are choosing to exercise it.

LOL. In case you've missed it it was not about having kids. If a woman chooses to exercise her choice without even asking what her man wants, she is obviously not very interested in keeping her man.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

LOL. In case you've missed it it was not about having kids. If a woman chooses to exercise her choice without even asking what her man wants, she is obviously not very interested in keeping her man.

No.

If a woman explains her preferences in this regard when the relationship starts, that she would prefer not to have children - after all, she is the person who will carry and bear whatever children they have and the physical burden of potential health risks will be entirely borne by her, while she will shoulder the responsibility for rearing whatever children are born, and will also shoulder most of the care consequences and - to my mind, on the subject matter of children, her decision takes absolute precedence.

She can ask what he wants, he can state his preference, but - to my mind - this decision is hers to make.

If he chooses not to abide by her decision, fine, let him choose to go elsewhere.

 

[decafjava]

So much wrong in this thread...to quote Al Pacino as Micheal Corleone in Godfather Part III "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in."

For those seeking prancing I give you:

Spoiler

 

[avz]

No.

If a woman explains her preferences in this regard when the relationship starts, that she would prefer not to have children - after all, she is the person who will carry and bear whatever children they have and the physical burden of potential health risks will be entirely borne by her, while she will shoulder the responsibility for rearing whatever children are born, and will also shoulder most of the care consequences and - to my mind, on the subject matter of children, her decision takes absolute precedence.

She can ask what he wants, he can state his preference, but - to my mind - this decision is hers to make.

If he chooses not to abide by her decision, fine, let him choose to go elsewhere.

Exactly. Because it takes so much commitment on a woman's part, we can bottom line her interest level in a particular man.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Exactly. Because it takes so much commitment on a woman's part, we can bottom line her interest level in a particular man.

Not necessarily.

These are two separate and distinct issues, although they can indeed, over lap (and, historically, they did, all the time).

And yes, I will concede that there are cases where a woman may prefer to have children with one man rather than with another, although she may have had relationships with both at different times in her life.

However, it is entirely possible not to want to have any children, ever, with any man, but to be interested in sharing your life with (and to love) a particular man. In that situation, it (the decision to choose not to have children) is not "bottom line" - rather, it is non-negotiable, with each and every man.

Besides, these days, irrespective of domestic or personal circumstances, far more women choose to remain childless, - for choices (educational, economic, and the choice not to have children) exist for women , as biology is no longer quite the determinant of destiny in the way that it used to be - at least in the First World - for women.

 

[Gutwrench]

However, it is entirely possible not to want to have any children, ever, with any man...

And there are times when a person just wants to share their life with a four legged creature, books, and a cocktail shaker.

That’s all I need. A four legged critter, this book and that cocktail shaker....
...and this olive. That’s all I need. And that napkin.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

And there are times when a person just wants to share their life with a four legged creature, books, and a cocktail shaker.

That’s all I need. A four legged critter, this book and that cocktail shaker....
...and this olive. That’s all I need. And that napkin.

This I can understand; books, music, the unconditional love and loyalty of animals (if I was not in the situation where I can be asked to go abroad for months at a time, sometimes, at very short notice, I would most certainly have attempted to persuade some canine and feline four legged creatures to share my life) and - if not a cocktail shaker, at least, several bottles of serious wine and some crates of good beer, such as Rochefort 10, yes, I can rest content with that, too.

And, not just a well-stocked cellar, but a well stocked larder, too. Kind of like hobbit style living (at least, as practised by Bilbo).

 

[D.T.]

And there are times when a person just wants to share their life with a four legged creature, books, and a cocktail shaker.

That’s all I need. A four legged critter, this book and that cocktail shaker....
...and this olive. That’s all I need. And that napkin.

Hahaha, yes!

And my dog ...

*GRRRR*

OK, I don't need my dog. I need this paddle game!
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re: children

We've (the wife and I) have always been on the same page for 98% of everything, which is our marriage is so awesome

We did not NOT want kids, if that makes sense. We just didn't really think about it, other than we know we make some excellent tiny people if/when the time did come. We were super focused on work, having fun - I sold my company, so we just took as much time as we wanted for us (we ate, drank, traveled ... something something ... [this is a family forum] ...). The OP thinking he's got some unique perspective on life experiences? Hahahaha, hardly

Anyway, about the same time, both our biological/parent clocks kicked in, we wanted to share our life experiences with someone else - we're really organic with things, we let them happen, embrace the call - and we decided to create life and walk the earth like gods.

 

[avz]

Hahaha, yes!

And my dog ...

*GRRRR*

OK, I don't need my dog. I need this paddle game!
[automerge]1576673641[/automerge]
re: children

We've (the wife and I) have always been on the same page for 98% of everything, which is our marriage is so awesome

We did not NOT want kids, if that makes sense. We just didn't really think about it, other than we know we make some excellent tiny people if/when the time did come. We were super focused on work, having fun - I sold my company, so we just took as much time as we wanted for us (we ate, drank, traveled ... something something ... [this is a family forum] ...). The OP thinking he's got some unique perspective on life experiences? Hahahaha, hardly

Anyway, about the same time, both our biological/parent clocks kicked in, we wanted to share our life experiences with someone else - we're really organic with things, we let them happen, embrace the call - and we decided to create life and walk the earth like gods.

We, the gods. I like it.