Thanks for the reply - and the link was interesting. Nice site - really nice photos.
Doing my best to go with it rather than fight it, I spent another hour and a half on the phone so far today.
Apple Japan seems comfortable charging me 3400 yen to ship me a replacement phone. Unbelievable to me, particularly since they are also holding 80,000 yen on my Visa, but as they said - I am in Japan, and that is what Apple Japan has decided - so deal with it.
Softbank is completely unhelpful. They took our money without our permission (AppleCare), have apologized, but are still totally unwilling to help. Rather than fight it, we are doing our best to get Apple all the banking documentation, faxes and signatures that they need to get this Softbank mistake fixed for them. I am not confident, even after doing that for them, that we will ever see our money back, but we don't seem to have any other choice.
I am surprised that Apple allows their support to be so uneven. I feel sympathy for the Japanese consumers that get abused like this, and am surprised that they tolerate it. At this point I just want it all to end - we have invested WAY too much time fixing Softbank and Apple's problems. There doesn't seem to be any way (even in the face of such ridiculous mistakes) to cancel the contract, but I just wish that I had never entered a Softbank store at this point. My brand new Apple MacBook Pro, my iPad, my 3 iPhones, my AppleTV - they all seem to be laughing at me now.