My girlfriend, a hotel room, and a 30 year old

[CalBoy]

Something about this story doesn't add up...

If everything you said is true, then I suspect something else is going on that you don't know about. It could be something that isn't as bad as we all think (a pure affair), but nonetheless that means that she's keeping something from you. That isn't the basis for a good relationship.

Were you at the Christmas party yourself with your girlfriend the whole time? If you weren't, then I think something may have happened at the Christmas party AND at the hotel room. Everything you know you know second-hand. Any amount of the information you have could be distorted and possibly unreliable, especially anything involving the hotel room after 11pm.

I think you need to come to grips: she cheated on you. If it quacks, smells, and looks like a duck, it's a duck.

Confront her about it now. If she's willing to keep up the lie, then it's time to end things. Dishonesty (especially if it continues), in my book, is a lot worse than one mistake.

If she tells you the truth, it's up to you to judge how bad her decisions were.

No s***. You straight people sure are messed up.

It's because half of them are sexually repressed.

 

[OutThere]

Hotel room, dim lights, couple drinks out of the mini bar, arms brush together briefly when you sit back down on the bed, a little adrenaline and hearts are pumping, it feels dangerous and exciting, eyes meet, the drone of the hockey game fades into the background, it feels different...almost strange, but so right...

 

[Liquorpuki]

Some of the posts in this thread are rather shocking for what seems like such a liberal audience. I wouldn't expect a gf to dump all of her friends just because I was her bf, and I wouldn't expect her to kill off her social life to spend all of her time with me.

Oh well, human socialization is unbelievably awkward sometimes

So you've got no problem with your girlfriend going out of her way to hang out alone with an ex-coworker she knows wanted to bang her before?

Really?

 

[quagmire]

So you've got no problem with your girlfriend going out of her way to hang out alone with an ex-coworker she knows wanted to bang her before?

Really?

Didn't the OP state she told him to come along? We can get into the whole mind games deal of she knew/expected him to say no all along, but that isn't going out of her way to hang out alone if she asked him to come along.

Only a untrusting guy would want to prevent their GF from hanging out with a guy who she knows he is attracted to her.

 

[h00ligan]

If you trust her there's no reason to be upset she saw him. She obviously sees some value in his friendship, it's her call, not yours. You aren't her parent, you are adults, she does what she wants.

I say this coming from being in your shoes ten years ago mate, I wish I would have learned my lesson sooner. If you don't have to hang out with a guy you think is a sleezeball, the situation ceases to affect you.

Examine why it bothers you that she saw him.

He tried to hit on her, so what. If he's getting nowhere that's funny., she comes home to you
You're worried he will con her into something - then she's looking to do it anyway. She's not a youngster unable to make choices.
She may drink or do drugs around him and compromise herself - again, she,ll do it eventually.
You're worried he will rape her - express that in a serious conversation. If she chooses to disagree, she probably knows him better.

At the end of the day, if a guy is scheming to get in her knickers, he either will or won't. If it's the former, if not him, someone else will end the romance...if the latter, he will give up soon enough, and you look like a trusting loving partner.

@out there, that was so dick, but so funny.

 

[Liquorpuki]

Didn't the OP state she told him to come along? We can get into the whole mind games deal of she knew/expected him to say no all along, but that isn't going out of her way to hang out alone if she asked him to come along.

Just like the other guy, you assume cheating is always premeditated and logical.

 

[Iscariot]

My girlfriend can spend time in any hotel room with any 30 year old. Because at the end of the night, she's coming back to my place and I'm ****ing her. She's not my property and she doesn't need my approval to hang out with someone.

 

[iJohnHenry]

If she is Canadian ... maybe she loves Nooky?

Was this an auto-correct problem??

I think she loves playing with men, as some women do.

You can either accept this, as Iscariot obviously does, or you can walk.

 

[JoeG4]

So you've got no problem with your girlfriend going out of her way to hang out alone with an ex-coworker she knows wanted to bang her before?

Really?

I don't think the OP nor his gf are as naive as he has written them out to be.

Lots of people, male, female, or otherwise like situations like this because they're getting a lot of attention:

* Their gf/bf is jealous, obviously, and a bit worried. Suddenly the person they've been taking for granted is wanted somewhere else

* The other person is trying to win them over - so instead of one person oogling over them they've got 2.

OP, it's totally your choice whether you want to put up with it or not. If they were coworkers they probably had a bit of a friendship and stuff, maybe it had a few sparks all along.

Whatever she does, she totally knows what she's doing and the good thing is that you've already made it clear what you think of it all. She's not innocent and if she ends up going to bed with a guy it'll probably be under her own accord. Unless she gets raped and claims such. As unfortunate as that would be, you've already warned her of that possibility so you're off the hook.

 

[renewed]

My girlfriend can spend time in any hotel room with any 30 year old. Because at the end of the night, she's coming back to my place and I'm ****ing her. She's not my property and she doesn't need my approval to hang out with someone.

Yeah, right. If you seriously feel this way I don't know whether to commend you or to feel sorry for you.

 

[h00ligan]

My girlfriend can spend time in any hotel room with any 30 year old. Because at the end of the night, she's coming back to my place and I'm ****ing her. She's not my property and she doesn't need my approval to hang out with someone.

This

 

[Bonch]

She probably just gave him a hand job. No big deal. Girls do stuff like that, it's normal.

 

[Iscariot]

Yeah, right. If you seriously feel this way I don't know whether to commend you or to feel sorry for you.

Feel sorry for me all you like, your opinion is of no value to me. I'm getting laid tonight, not asking an internet forum for advice about a girl that I've been dating for nearly 4 years and figure I own.

 

[Scarrus]

Feel sorry for me all you like, your opinion is of no value to me. I'm getting laid tonight, not asking an internet forum for advice about a girl that I've been dating for nearly 4 years and figure I own.

Without wanting to offend anyone, that was PWNAGE right there. Anyone who has been in this situation knows it. Seems a lot of people didn't yet - I highly recommend it!

 

[daneoni]

The writing's on the wall and even Stevie Wonder can see it.

Its not so much the fact that she went..it's why she went. Some dude (he's not just a harmless friend) wants to bang her (and she knows) yet she still went? Either she wants to cheat or it's some BS power play. Either way don't stress it (sounds like that's too late)

I would make a mental note to be on guard and prep myself for the potential end of relationship that may be coming. But i wouldn't necessary do anything. This will turn out well for you one way or the other. Either she indeed cheated/will cheat, in which case you can get rid of her and thank your stars you found out b4 you put a ring on her finger or she didn't, and comes back to you. In which case there was nothing to worry about in the first instance. The former is more likely than the latter but the latter is still plausible too.

You mustn't show weakness to potential competition...be the bigger man. The moment you show that your strings can be tugged she WILL tug them.

 

[torbjoern]

When they have been in a hotel room alone together, you can be sure that they have ****ed or intended to do so, because that's what people will think anyway. I'm 30 myself, by the way.

When you say that you trust her but not him, it sounds like she has no will on her own, and that it's his seductive skills alone that will determine if he gets to **** her or not. Which certainly could be true, according to the rest of your post. If this is really the case, that's not a reason to leave her or to stop ****ing her, but you should absolutely spend time with other girls alone in hotel rooms too. Other girls from your schooldays for instance - what do you think Facebook is for?

 

[TinHead88]

I think the best advice that has been given in this thread is to talk to her in detail about this situation. The foundation of any good relationship is communication.

I find her motivation quite curious, but we really don't have enough detail (not knowing her or him or your relationship) to draw any conclusions.

Please have that talk with her and post back. We're all curious now

I don't think it's unreasonable at all to ask her why she chose to put you through this when you made it clear it would affect you. I just don't get why she would put something so unimportant before your feelings.

 

[vincenz]

Feel sorry for me all you like, your opinion is of no value to me. I'm getting laid tonight, not asking an internet forum for advice about a girl that I've been dating for nearly 4 years and figure I own.

So when your girlfriend breaks, do you usually bring her in for repairs or do you just go and buy a new one? Figure I'd ask an authentic girl owner for advice.

 

[ann713]

Two people alone in a hotel room, yeah, no sexual tensions there. You have every right to be angry. If my boyfriend were to do this to me, I would be furious. I wouldn't demand a break up over it but you need to tell her that this bothered you, you were hurt, etc. This shouldn't happen again.

 

[Iscariot]

So when your girlfriend breaks, do you usually bring her in for repairs or do you just go and buy a new one? Figure I'd ask an authentic girl owner for advice.

Reread my posts.

She's not my property

As for everyone going on about communication, trust, etc. this is a guy in a relationship for 3.5 years who doesn't have those things already. How is he going to get them now?

 

[Liquorpuki]

I don't think the OP nor his gf are as naive as he has written them out to be.

Maybe not but they're only 21,22 and have already been together 3+ years. When I was 21 I didn't know WTF I was doing with girls. Now I'm 32 and I've been the other guy a few times.

None of their boyfriends/husbands ever found out.

Without wanting to offend anyone, that was PWNAGE right there. Anyone who has been in this situation knows it. Seems a lot of people didn't yet - I highly recommend it!

Which part was PWNAGE? The part where he's stuck in a relationship when all he wants is ass? Or the part where he thinks his girl is a Sunni Muslim

 

[vincenz]

Reread my posts.


As for everyone going on about communication, trust, etc. this is a guy in a relationship for 3.5 years who doesn't have those things already. How is he going to get them now?

I'll respectfully pass..wouldn't want to waste brain cells.

And let me take a wild guess-- empathy is not your strong suit.

 

[leekohler]

My girlfriend can spend time in any hotel room with any 30 year old. Because at the end of the night, she's coming back to my place and I'm ****ing her. She's not my property and she doesn't need my approval to hang out with someone.

Aaand..this is why I love you so much. I do not understand people who think that their significant other needs their permission to do things and vice versa.

I'll respectfully pass..wouldn't want to waste brain cells.

And let me take a wild guess-- empathy is not your strong suit.

I would suggest that he's giving very good advice. I know both he and his GF personally, and they have a damn good relationship.

 

[TinHead88]

Maybe not but they're only 21,22 and have already been together 3+ years. When I was 21 I didn't know WTF I was doing with girls. Now I'm 32 and I've been the other guy a few times.

None of their boyfriends/husbands ever found out.
Muslim

And how do you feel about yourself? You seem quite proud of the fact that you managed to screw some girls who were in relationships without their partners knowing.

What a guy!

 

[Macky-Mac]

has it become clear as to who's the dog and who's the master in the relationship?