Resolved (Some) Fat people's attitude

[KnightWRX]

So, what to do then? Well, you talk about these coworkers in a manner that seems to indicate you see them as friends or at least that you value a positive relationship. Additionally, it sounds as if there is one individual at the center of it all who continues to make comments. Why don't you approach this person individually share that the comments are bothering you and ask how you guys can resolve this? If you let him know that you value having a positive working relationship or friendship with him and ask him to respect your wishes to avoid subjects or attempts at humor that could be misinterpreted, then do you think he would respond favorably?

I did already indicate this to all of those who do this (it's not just 1 guy, it's most of the fat guys). I told them clearly after one of their japes turned to yet another round of "bashing the preachy guy" that if they didn't want to talk about it, they shouldn't make fun of my new eating habits.

It didn't end it. Either they don't get it, or the "insulting the preachy guy" is part of the jape made to piss me off. In the end though, I'm the one staying calm and answering objectively.

And again, I know how I can seem on Macrumors. Don't worry, in real life it's not so, I know how to keep my temper in check be stay polite to people, especially those I frequent on a regular basis and have actual relationships with. I don't need to maintain relationships here so I tend to have a more direct approach in my commenting (just calling it like I see it I always say). You have to admit some posters here went straight to attacking me directly, ignoring factual information I have provided (not even quoting it and putting it into question, just outright ignoring it).

 

[GfPQqmcRKUvP]

Got us figured out, have you?

Preaching to others is not something that we fat people have the market cornered on. It comes from all kinds of people. Your characterization (and the OP's) is more a testimony of your intolerance than of others' attitudes.

Save it. I'm talking about the people who the OP is talking about: those that demonize others for "leaving the club", not people in general who are fat. Sorry if my post looked otherwise.

 

[KOZOK]

It didn't end it. Either they don't get it, or the "insulting the preachy guy" is part of the jape made to piss me off. In the end though, I'm the one staying calm and answering objectively.

Just start making fun of the fatties. Moo at them. Give them sticks of butter as gifts. Print out photos from fatchicksinpartyhats.com and peopleofwalmart.com, frame them and put them on the fatties' desks next to family photos. Offer to buy a cotton candy machine for the break room "only if you guys promise to use it regularly". Threaten to sue the company if there are any steps or stairs in the building anywhere, at all. Sign fat coworkers up to see if they qualify for a free mobility enhancement device - http://www.thescooterstore.com/

etc.

 

[mscriv]

I did already indicate this to all of those who do this (it's not just 1 guy, it's most of the fat guys). I told them clearly after one of their japes turned to yet another round of "bashing the preachy guy" that if they didn't want to talk about it, they shouldn't make fun of my new eating habits.

It didn't end it. Either they don't get it, or the "insulting the preachy guy" is part of the jape made to piss me off. In the end though, I'm the one staying calm and answering objectively.

Telling people, in essense, to "back off" in the middle of a confrontation is entirely different from approaching them as individuals in a non confrontational setting and saying "hey, how do we fix this so it doesn't get worse or happen again?" Even if you don't believe you've done anything to contribute to their behavior it's surprising how powerful simply assuming the role of responsibility can be. When you say "did I do anything to upset you because I don't like the joking and bashing that's going on, if I've unknowingly offended you I'm sorry?", it will hopefully disarm them and promote a spirit of cooperation.

If nothing else, you can rest knowing you made an honest effort to solve things. If after you've approached them individually they continue to make snide remarks then all you can do is ignore it and move on like Lee and Jessica suggested previously. At that point they've showed you they don't value the relationship on any level and it's not worth your time or energy.

 

[Daffodil]

Just start making fun of the fatties. Moo at them. Give them sticks of butter as gifts. Print out photos from fatchicksinpartyhats.com and peopleofwalmart.com, frame them and put them on the fatties' desks next to family photos. Offer to buy a cotton candy machine for the break room "only if you guys promise to use it regularly". Threaten to sue the company if there are any steps or stairs in the building anywhere, at all. Sign fat coworkers up to see if they qualify for a free mobility enhancement device - http://www.thescooterstore.com/

etc.

And that right there is the way to make enemies and get on HR's bad side...

 

[notjustjay]

Interesting thread. I'm not "fat" but my BMI is definitely higher than it should be and I've been advised by my doctor to lose about 40 pounds (currently 240, target 200).

Weight loss has never been on my radar before now (because, as bad as this is going to sound, my attitude was "that's only something that fat people need to do"). I've had this belly since I was 18, now at 33 it's only getting worse (and about to go seriously downhill in the coming years if I don't do something about it).

I haven't even really started dieting yet, but I've been making small lifestyle changes -- a coffee after lunch instead of a can of Coke, a salad instead of fries, eating out a bit less, being satisfied with just one (ok, maybe two) plates at a buffet, not snacking at midnight. I've seen my weight sloooowly creep down a few pounds, then hike back up seemingly overnight after a weekend of excess (say, on a road trip where I eat out a lot).

I know I've only been doing this halfheartedly, and I know I have a long way to go. Maybe that's how others feel too. They know there's a lot of work yet to do and they are either skeptical or envious of your successes.

 

[Queen of Spades]

I've lost a bunch of weight and this hasn't been my experience at all. The only thing I've had to deal with that's been annoying is people constantly commenting on it (in nice/well-meaning ways though). It's embarrassing at times when it's with a group or out somewhere, but I think of it as a side effect that will disappear over time.

Otherwise, I keep my personal eating habits to myself, and people have been pretty nice about respecting them and not being invasive.

I will be honest though, preachy, judgmental people (especially about weight) drive me insane. I am always surprised at how arrogant and holier-than-thou people who formerly struggled with their weight get when they lose weight. These are the people who should actually have the most compassion for others who haven't yet conquered their issues with weight, yet time and again they're the ones who are the least understanding and the most passive aggressive. I've actually been around formerly overweight people who have made rude/snide comments about heavier folks. Which is ridiculous and also indicative of lingering self-hate.

I'm not saying that it's you, necessarily, but you present your story unbelievably one-sided, so it makes it kind of difficult not to imagine you're missing your own contribution to the tension. You make it sound like it's just a bunch of angry, irrational, mean fat people attacking you with donuts and calling you stupid. Doesn't make much sense to me.

 

[jamisonbaines]

.

I couldn't handle ingesting that entire thread but I often see your user account posting on macrumors arguing about petty things in long winded minutia ie video cards.

I'd suggest that the conflicts might just be symptomatic of your personality. For example I know people who I will argue with about any topic. Regardless of whether I approach things with no intent of arguing the conversation becomes argumentative. Clearly then it's a part of my personality too.

I suggest you flex hard, find a better job where people aren't aware of your history and bask in your moderate BMI superiority or you just learn to shrug it off.

signed: glad you shed some weight and satisfied with integrated graphics

edit: i know that sounds confrontational, I'm sure that it is difficult to shed weight and applaud your doing so. It just sounds as though you're on edge and the people know they will get a rise out of little comments. If it doesn't stop you from doing what you're doing don't concern yourself with their words.

 

[Shrink]

I'd guess he means one prepared from fresh ingredients, cooked in a healthy fashion that has flavors rather than tastes attached to it.

It does sound a bit abrasive put that way. A burger can be a "clean" meal, as long as you don't deep fry the meat patty in bacon grease and use good whole grain bread and lean meat with fresh condiments rather than pre-processed ones.

Thanks, Knight. Makes sense.

 

[skittles90623]

in all honestly, you'll get that everywhere. i think the best comparison to make is with smokers. those who are ex smokers, it's best just not to say anything while others are smoking. especially if it's in a preachy way. when i quit, i'd just say to other smokers, "hey, want to try this nicorette, worked for me," or "hey, i've been trying to go to the gym lately, you should join"

as for you, maybe when they ask you something, just keep it light. just joke with them, change the subject, no need to get serious about it.

 

[Iscariot]

I work in the health and fitness industry, so navigating this issue is my job. I find your posts range from well-meaning to insensitive to downright insufferable. A little introspection here might be warranted.

 

[-aggie-]

You nailed it MD.

I would not normally "weigh in" on such a discussion, but your comments about 'why do they ask if they don't expect an answer' compels me to

I would offer my opinion, and my opinion only, that this has as much to do about your attitude as it does their's. I realize that it isn't totally one sided, and I have experienced some of the same things you have... however, based on your experiences here on the board... the reactions you have to other posters, your comments, the way you have a tendency to incite, antagonize and alienate others... lends itself to the belief that your attitude is as much to blame as their's.

I don't mean that as a shot, but as a genuine observation, so take it for what its worth

 

[KnightWRX]

You nailed it MD.

Except again, as I pointed out numerous times but some of you that just like attacking me (wonder why my attitude is poor towards you ? Have a look at yours. Notice how I'm polite with people that are polite towards me) ignore, I usually just sit there, talking politics when I get these comments about "YUM YUM French Fries, how many Calories in that ?" and "Look, he's eating a donut! Cheer he's coming back to the dark side!".

It's sheer bullying at this point.

I work in the health and fitness industry, so navigating this issue is my job. I find your posts range from well-meaning to insensitive to downright insufferable. A little introspection here might be warranted.

I'm guessing the insufferable posts you mention are those like I just did, in reply to people that jumped at the occasion to attack me instead of reading through the thread and answering with educated responses. I see you would rather join their ranks rather than form an opinion. I'm actually quite a nice guy with a very great intolerance to lying, ignorance and misinformation. I can be abrasive sometimes, but only from people who refuse to see the facts laid out in front of them.

Also, both of you, like I mentionned on page 2, if you're only here to derail the thread and attack me, please take it elsewhere. A lot of really helpful comments were posted here by helpful posters. If you do not wish to participate, don't, but leave the thread so it doesn't turn into a big "let's bitch on KnightWRX" fest.

 

[Littleodie914]

How am I supposed to answer someone "asking" : "Hey, how many calories in the french fries HAHAHAHA, you must miss this yummy grease and sugar HUMMMMM SO GOOD!".

And why would it be my attitude that's in problem if I just answer with a straight forward : "Usually, such a portion of fries will have around 600 calories, the ketchup isn't the biggest part as Heinz ketchup is 20 calories per tbsp, it's the oil they're cook in, as potatoes tend to absorb grease very well".

What bad attitude did I display there ? Yet then follows the inevitable : "Why do you always preach and discuss this stuff while we're eating ?". WTF... He asked, I answered (usually politely too, though I'm kind of getting fed up about it).

Happy to hear your experience is different, but it's gotten to the point where the only thing I can do is sit there silent and let them ridicule me and all I eat. Should I just do that ?

I think a couple things are at play here. Either:

1. Your answers in real-life come off as more preachy than you're presenting them here.
2. Your friends are just jerks.

If they keep asking you the same questions, and you keep giving them the same answers, it's foolish to expect for these scenarios to start playing out differently.

The next time a friend asks you how many calories are in a basket of fries, just chuckle, and reply, "I really have no idea, it's less about counting calories and more about eating this stuff less often." Then go back to eating. Short and simple. Don't be preachy, don't start listing ingredients or numbers or otherwise. If they persist, then your friends are just poking the bear. Initiate limb-ripping.

The next time a friend makes cracks about you "being normal" again, go on the offensive. This comment is out-of-line, and it's clearly obvious that your friends are jealous and insecure about your hard work. Just chuckle (always with the chuckle, this guy) and reply, "Nah, I'd never go back to that lifestyle. I'm happy where I am."

Wash, rinse, repeat. If your friends still don't get the idea, you'll have to have a serious conversation with them or find more sensitive friends.

 

[KnightWRX]

Wash, rinse, repeat. If your friends still don't get the idea, you'll have to have a serious conversation with them or find more sensitive friends.

These are more co-workers than friends. Finding more sensitive co-workers is not something that I can do unless I give up my job (which I love too much for that).

However, I've already told these people that their arrogant and obnoxious attitude towards people is downright rude. I'm not even the only for one of the guys, he's not just like that about my food. He'll ask work related questions, and when others answer he'll just reply as if he knew all along or as if the answer doesn't interest him... hum... you're asking a question and obviously you don't know the answer, what's with the attitude there buddy ?

Anyway, this thread was part vent, part finding helpful information. I guess I'll go the even higher road than just remaining calm and answering coldly : I'll ignore it. I hate doing that, but it's come to this.

 

[decafjava]

Dude, you've done well by taking control of your life and getting healthy. I have started the same thing and it feels great - though it is not always smooth!

 

[MorphingDragon]

I've mentionned a few times that I shed a lot of weight last year, having taken my life into my hands and made a few changes after getting educated about weight, fitness and health. There's one thing however that I don't understand : Fat people's attitude towards me. I don't mean fat people who have no clue I lost the weight I did (now sporting a healthy BMI of around 21-22), I mean those I left behind in the realm of the close to and/or morbidly obese.

Often, at work, when we're eating, they'll jape me about the food I eat (salads with good protein sources like fish/chicken, lots of vegetables and fruits, low fat cheeses, whole grains in moderate portions), which inevitably starts a conversation about calories around the table and then these guys get pissed at me and call me a preacher. WTF. You're asking the questions here, half-kidding, I'm answering, how the heck am I preaching ?

So I tell them if they don't want to hear about it, they can just stop bringing it up. This inevitably leads to a "the weight he lost seems to have gone with his sense of humor" and by then it completely goes south.

Other times, like when we have to work overtime at work and someone brings in unhealthy snacks like donuts/chips and other crap, if I even dare pick something up and eat it, I can expect the japes again "how many calories in that donut ? How many calories in those chips ?" or of course the inevitable "Hey, look at me, I'm eating 3 donuts, how many calories is that ?".

WTF, seriously, WTF is up with them ? I don't give a crap what you eat and that you're fat. If you ask questions on how it I lost weight and stuff, I will answer, don't get mad and call me a preacher for answering your questions. And what is with the making fun of someone eating and living healthy ? Is it something to be laughed at ?

Maybe I should start making fun of them because they're fat or something ? Ah the joys of the high road...

Protip - Smile and Wave. Be proud you can take your shirt off when it gets hot. (Wait you live in Canada, Nvm)

Seriously though, all you really can do is sit and take their BS, ALL CAPS RAGE AT THEM, or ask them politely to keep it to themselves.

I've had similar experiences. I was by no means skinny when I was a teenager. I had always had funky joints and decided to see a specialist physio when I was working and had the money. She suggested I do resistance training, take a concoction of various supplements, drugs and forwarded me to a dietitian who mostly helped arthritis patients. Most of my meals consisted of Seafood and Red Meat with what only could be described as greek salad.

I got **** from my workmates for various things, they called me a druggy for taking supplement pills and told me to eat real food when I would have Sushi or the like for Lunch. However it was gratifying to the point where I could watch them being awkward at the Xmas BBQs because they didn't want to take off their shirts in the boiling sun.

Just screw them, you can be above all that crap. The wankers that gave me **** are still junior engineers who are stuck troubleshooting windows issues, whilst I get paid large sums of money doing casual work and enjoy researching and being creative at University.

Though some people with energy drinks are just scary.

 

[Hellhammer]

Except again, as I pointed out numerous times but some of you that just like attacking me (wonder why my attitude is poor towards you ? Have a look at yours. Notice how I'm polite with people that are polite towards me) ignore, I usually just sit there, talking politics when I get these comments about "YUM YUM French Fries, how many Calories in that ?" and "Look, he's eating a donut! Cheer he's coming back to the dark side!".

The thing is, we only have your version of it. You think they are always the ones brining it up and that is what you are telling us, but there isn't a way for us to know the unbiased version. If we asked them, they might tell us that you are always the one bragging about your weight loss and bullying the others because of their fatness. That would lead to nowhere.

Problems, arguments, fights etc always have at least two sides.

 

[iJohnHenry]

Problems, arguments, fights etc always have at least two sides.

He's a tough nut to crack, so I would suggest you don't try.

 

[KnightWRX]

The thing is, we only have your version of it. You think they are always the ones brining it up and that is what you are telling us, but there isn't a way for us to know the unbiased version. If we asked them, they might tell us that you are always the one bragging about your weight loss and bullying the others because of their fatness. That would lead to nowhere.

Problems, arguments, fights etc always have at least two sides.

Actually, the only thing I talk about that is even closely related is my gym stuff. And I don't talk about it with them. And when they jape about the gym stuff "pipes, flexing, etc..", I usually just let them and ignore them or play along since the tone is much different than the food japes.

I told it like it is. Again, I'll just ignore them from now on, after having read the opinions said in this thread. Thanks to everyone who participated. The attacks by some still weren't warranted and were done by the usual crowd that jumps on me everytime I start a thread or post in one, ignoring everything I posted and just saying I'm abrasive and condescending even if I wasn't.

 

[MorphingDragon]

He's a tough nut to crack, so I would suggest you don't try.

Though nut?

More like reinforced concrete bomb shelter.

 

[KOZOK]

I got **** from my workmates for various things, they called me a druggy for taking supplement pills and told me to eat real food when I would have Sushi or the like for Lunch. However it was gratifying to the point where I could watch them being awkward at the Xmas BBQs because they didn't want to take off their shirts in the boiling sun.

And if there's anything worse than fatties, it's people who feel the need to take their clothing off at company functions.

 

[MorphingDragon]

And if there's anything worse than fatties, it's people who feel the need to take their clothing off at company functions.

Considering the Practice Manager had a swimming pool, there wasn't a lot of people that didn't have more than togs on at the Xmas BBQs. Plus Kiwis walk around with barely anything on in the summer anyways.

Hmm, who wasn't wearing togs? The Fatties!

 

[Queen of Spades]

Considering the Practice Manager had a swimming pool, there wasn't a lot of people that didn't have more than togs on at the Xmas BBQs. Plus Kiwis walk around with barely anything on in the summer anyways.

Hmm, who wasn't wearing togs? The Fatties!

Image

I always imagine people who make fun of "fatties" as unattractive. In fact, I can safely say I've never seen or heard an extremely attractive person cracking jokes or acting superior to "fatties." It's always the people who should be humble and kind that aren't. Funny that.

 

[samiwas]

After reading this thread, I decided to see where I fell on the charts. So I pulled up a few of those charts where they have height vs. weight and different bands showing underweight, ideal, overweight, and obese...like this one:

I'm 5'10" and almost consistently between 195-198. I was shocked to see that I'm considered only about 10 pounds from OBESE. Seriously? I am not even close to what I would call obese. A little overweight, sure...but obese? When I think obese, I think of someone who can't shop for clothes at a normal store, has trouble with a flight of stairs, and who can't see their own junk.

I will be the first to admit that I don't eat healthy, but I don't eat unhealthy either. I kind of mix it up. I always use lean beef when cooking, but usually use grilled chicken. I'll have a donut, but that's like once a week maximum. I'll have some fries, but not covered in cheese. I'll have pasta, but rarely with a cream sauce...usually vegetables and a tomato sauce.

Now, as for KnightWRX's style...several have said it already, and I agree. I have always found it a bit abrasive and off-putting, and many times with a hint of egotism. You say this is because people are this way to you first, but it's not usually the case. You may not be aware of it, but it's true. Take it from someone who seems to be the same way.