Following reports the American owners of Injuries R Us - the ambulance chasing corporation that took control of Buchaneers - had been in financial difficulties even before the football club was purchased, a representative has confirmed the sale of the club to Sheikh Hana Fakih. Speaking today, the Sheikh said with regard to the team, I hope to put the freshness back... some new faces., and that, There will be no place for those living off yesterday, no matter how much the fans like the players hairstyle. The latter comment is thought to be aimed at Gareth Bale who has inspired a cut known as The Bale, footballs answer to The Rachel - a style sported by a character in a bewilderingly popular sitcom. The club is to once again be known as Neutron Heath - the area where the Local Young Rascals formed a team on land previously used as a testing ground for the M.O.D. during the Cold War. To mark the occasion, a strip based on historical kit will be introduced at the next home game - supporters at the match will each be able to claim a free shirt from the club shop.
At a brief press conference, the Americans left journalists bemused with their last statement on the matter, If a man stands on a mountain of flour, does he not rise when warm water and yeast are added?
