Are you talking about the windows version? iTunes on my iMac is only using 32mb of ram after running all day. I only have a 10gb library, and a few playlists, but I dont know if that really effects the ram usage much.
I can tell you that on my last revision mac mini g4 that movies play a lot better in quicktime than they do through iTunes. As to his specific hang up not sure, maybe he doesn't like looking at all the features he doesn't need?