Actual excerpts taken from the "FoxConn surprise inspection" tapes
"Man! This media attention is really starting to turn negative. We don't want to get knocked down off our pristine, princess darling pedestal. Maybe we should really check FoxConn, to make sure they aren't doing anything illegal? I have an idea...
Ring Ring Hello? FoxConn? Are you doing anything illegal?
(whispered) They say 'No' sir. Ok, I'll tell them. Well, we're getting a ton of bad press about this cause we raked in a Gillizion dollars last year for items that cost us 32 cents to make under your labor agreements. Now, I'm sure that under such a competitive labor agreement, there's no WAY there could be anything unscrupulous going on! But we're
considering sending a surprise 'independent verification team' to come check to make sure you're not lying to us!"
(A few days later)
"
Ring Ring Hello? FoxConn? Yeah. This media attention isn't dying down at all, so we decided we
are going to send a team to come see you, to make sure you aren't doing anything illegal! When? We're not sure yet. It'll be a surprise, but first we need to attempt to deflect in the media a bit, maybe do some "denial" PR work, then maybe after that we'll come, but it'll be a surprise alright! You just watch out! Hey! What's that scrambling/rustling noise I hear in the background? Oh? You're doing a hide and seek team building exercise? Sounds cool. Ok. See you soon. Ok, bye.
Click (WHISPERED - Someone make sure it get's leaked to the press, so we can look like we are doing something about this)"
(A few days later)
"
Ring Ring Hello? FoxConn? Yep, we picked the 'independant team' to come visit you and they'll be coming out there soon, so you better not be doing anything illegal! Ok. Thanks. Bye.
Click"
(A few days later)
"
Ring Ring Hello? FoxConn? Yep, we're really getting ready to come see you FoxConn, as we are packing our things right now and we're going to make sure you're not doing anything illegal! Ok. Thanks. Bye.
Click"
(A few days later)
"
Ring Ring Hello? FoxConn? We're getting on a plane now to come and make sure you're not doing anything illegal, so you better not be! Ok. Thanks. Bye.
Click"
(A day later)
"
Ring Ring Hello? FoxConn? Yeah, we just landed, but we're kind of tired, cause it's a LONG flight, so we're going to check into our hotel rooms first, and then grab some dinner, and call it an early night so our interrogation skills are up to snuff. We'll come tomorrow morning to make sure you're not doing anything illegal. Ok. Thanks. Bye. <heard in background : 'Siri...find the nearest strip clubs...what do you mean you can't perform that function at this time?! S-T-R-I-P clubs! Find....Damn it! You f'in bitc....>
Click"
(Next day)
"Hi FoxConn. We're here. Oh, look! A parade that says welcome 'independent auditors'. Hmmm. Didn't realize you had other independent auditors coming too, cause that can't be for us, since this is a surprise. Uhhh, can you turn the music down a bit, please? Our heads are hurting from the....uhhhh....flight yesterday. Yeah. That's it. The Flight. Anyways, ok, are you ready?
Are you doing anything illegal? No?
Are you sure? No?
Are you really, really sure? No?
Are you absolutely, positively, really 100% sure? No?
We'll, there's no way you could have circumvented our intense scrutiny of questions or hidden anything from our unexpected, completely random, surprise inspection. I guess everything's ok! Imagine that! Nothing illegal is going on here! Carry on with all the 'non-illegal' stuff you've been doing, FoxConn!
Ring Ring Hello? Sir? Yes, everything is fine here! No issues whatsoever! I agree. There's no way they could have gotten by our crack auditing team. Great. We're on our way back home now. Can you ask the limo driver to have a hot tub filled with money ready and waiting in the limo? I haven't had a good money bath here in China for the last two days. Ok. Thanks. Bye.
Click Announced to press: OK, everyone! Move along now! Nothing to see here! We did our part!"
Go F'in figure! 